dreadful words...

"I don't like to wait..." said Mariel....
(Oh dear God!!! I have to act soon) thought Victor...

She said it. She is not the kind of woman that enjoys a long wait.... so, I believe this means I have to act fast... Friday is the day when I will pop the question.

Whis me luck.

it was acctually nice...

So, this last Saturday I had my “middle-career exam”, an exam that contains all that there is to ask about my career so far. This exam was intended to lat for 12 hours (that’s right… 12); however I manage to finish it in about three… hehehehehe… just answering randomly to the questions and praying to have a few of them correct. Anyway, when I got home after this exam I noticed an strange item in my house…
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It was Mariel’s wallet and she had forgotten it in my the car when I gave her a lift Friday night… so I did what a man has to do in this situations… ^_^ I called to inform her that I had her wallet in my possession and to offer my services as a deliver man to make sure her wallet would arrive safely to her house. At first she said something like “ohh… thanks, you don’t have to worry, I really don’t need it.” And I said, “well, this is good excuse to get together, so what do you say?”, “tehee… ok, that’s fine with me” she said. So I grabbed a movie called “MULLHOLLAND DRIVE”, took the wallet and drive to her house.

I drove very happy and excited… ^_^

She was alone in her house…. with his dad… (hehehe, I got you there). The strangest feeling came curling thru my spine when she asked me if I wanted to see her room…

(I have to give you some background… with my previous girlfriend it was taboo for her parents for us to be alone nearby her room, in fact her mom actually forbid any men to trespass certain imaginary line in the hallway that lead to her room… and God helps us if we intended to be alone in her house. It didn’t matter if a bunch of my friends were with us, if their parents weren’t around we couldn’t be in the house…)

… so, I tried my hardest not to faint when she was showing me around her room… hehehehe… her room is sooooo cute, not at all like I’ve picture it, there were lots of Care Bears, ponies, anime scrolls and figures… anyway, it was heaven for me, and her room was light blue so the whole heavenly feeling increased… So after she showed me her domains we sat down I watch the movie.

Her dad wake up, I said “hi”, he “hi-ed me back”… then her mom arrived. I said “hi, pleased to meet you”, she said the same, she sat down with us for a while and then she disappeared into her room with her husband.

The movies was awesome, but probably you have read about it in my bro’s blogger, so I wont get into details. After the movie was over their parents went out to buy to bread, and they asked me if I could stay with Mariel in the house so they wouldn’t left her alone!!!!!!

I was thinking: “NO FREAKING WAY… THIS CAN’T BE HAPPENING, THERE MUST BE SOMETHING WRONG WITH THE WATER HERE… I AM IN THE TWILIGHT ZONE!!!” It was very shocking for me to be asked to do that, but I humbly accepted and do that little “favor” for them.

We had the chance to talk… it wasn’t awkward at all, it seemed that she was used to this kind of things, so for us being alone felt just right… She sun was coming down, so she looked astonishingly beautiful surrounded by that orange/blue light… wow… words can’t easily describe.

Those fifty minutes that we were left alone made my whole weekend… ^_^ When their parents got home they sat with us and we had a little chat, they asked me a few questions, we laugh… they are awesome, no at all what I thought a in law was (hehehehe… I wish)

The sun was dimly shinning behind the horizon and it was time for me to head back… I said good bye to their parents and Mariel walked me to the exit. That is were I gave her THE hug… and I hope the first of many.

Smile…

a hug feels like...

taking a long hot bath, while you are listening to some music and you have the chance to taste your favorite drink. A hug feels like eternity contained in one second, a hug feels like floating aimlessly in the ocean while you are facing up and seeing the sky, a hug feels like a prelude for a kiss and an invitation for love.

Today I manage to get my self together and give her a hug. I just stretched out my arms towards her and said “hug”… it was very simple, at first it felt awkward, like a quick hug just to get by, but then I took a deep breath in, I close my eyes and just enjoy it… I realized after a few seconds that I had to let her go and I did saying “… sorry, hehehe, I hugged you for too long” and she said smiling “no, it is ok”.

I said bye, turn around and left… juts like that… I still felt like something was missing. But at least I feel like I am definitely in the right track.

I have to go and get some sleep… I might post a comment about my whole “meet the parents” experience, it was actually nice… not as I expected it ^_^

Well, take care… hugs for everyone… and a special hug for her… ^_^

the A-B-C-D-E-Ffor kitten tortures...

This post is a present for Memo, for those who are not sick enough or strong enough to read what follows please stop reading now...
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If you are reading this it means that probably you need psychiatric help.

Material needed:

* A bucket of cold water
* A box.
* A crystal bowl.
* A stereo.
* A confused bulldog.
* A ska cd.
* A razor.
* A hammer and some nails.
* Lemon juice and salt.
* An effervescent pill.
* tequila.

Torture A (the classic). This is one of the classics. You kindly pick up a kitten from the floor and start petting him from his head to his tail (do this several times). Once the kitten starts purring you suddenly grab him by his tail and start making wide and fast circles with him above your head. Then you suddenly let him go and see where it lands. If the kitten is conscious, you can grab him again an restart the process until the kitten runs away or falls “sleep”.

Torture B (the classic II). You have to make sure to get your cat drunk first, so lets pour some Tequila or vodka (if you’d like) into his water. Once the cat is drunk and playful you carry it around to gain his trust. Once the cat is purring an playing drunk and pathetically with your hair you put the effervescent pill in his mouth and push it in with your finger. The make sure to put him outside in the garden or something. I highly recommend you to take some pictures so you can laugh with them every time you want to. And then, just wait for the “blast”

Torture C. You have to put the cold water (iced if possible) in a closed box with the cat inside. Then proceed to out the ska record in the stereo next to the box. Play it loud and repeat it. If nature does his work right the cat may become a mindless zombie or even better you can open the box to find out that the cat chose to drown himself in the ice-cold water rather than listening to that hellish music.

Torture D. This one is simple, just nail the kitten’s tail to the floor and layback to have fun seeing him trying to escape.

Torture E. Lets use our friend tequila again, but this time lets get the cat totally drunk, I mean “totally”, until he passes out. Once the cat is soundly asleep you have to kindly shave him… do not leave a hairy spot. Once the kitten wakes up you have to walk around with him around the block so that the his friends can see him and make fun of him. Once the cat is depressed enough you have to get back home an offer him a “relaxing bath” also known as “lemon and salt” bath. Grab the cat and launched him to the bowl with the mixture, and just enjoy.

Torture F. This one is simple, find a confused cat lover bulldog and put him with you cat in a very small room… hehehehe.. and just wait a few months to see the most horrible creatures in the world.
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This is all, if you can think of something better you might as well post a torture here, ok?
Now for all of you who read this… PLEASE GET SOME HELP!!! And do it fast, you need it.

PS: no imaginary or real kitten/cat was harmed.

ashamed??? does that word even exists???

…….. hehehehe…. Now explaining the title… hehehehe

My brother and I came to the conclusion that we have no shame whatsoever, we don’t care about what strangers think about us and we specially don’t care about what Bubblebrain thinks about us.

I hit my head today with a table in my comic class very hard (I couldn’t remember a name of a deity so I found that a very appropriate move)… everyone looked at me amazed, Mariel looked at me worried… and I just said “it really didn’t hurt” and start working again. I really miss my friends in this kind of situations, they have got use to that, so they don’t look at me weird every time I bang my head. I mean… it is my head… I can do with it anything I want….

……………… to less stupid issues………

I was having this nice walk with my brother, he is actually nice when he is not centered in making my life miserable or giving his best shot to make fun of me… anyway, we were walking and talking about life and cookies.

The cookies subject never really took place, so I am not going to try to make something up, but I just didn’t want to write such a boring cliché as “talking about life”. Anyway…

When I was talking to him he said: “why don’t you stop fooling around and just ask Mariel to be your girl… I mean, it is obvious that she likes you and you also like her…” To such strong and true words I just managed to say something like this: “argh!!! I know, but it is just to difficult, I’ve never done this before!!!” To which he reply, “well, you don’t have to ask her… just kiss her”. At this point I don’t know if my blood was in my blushing red face or in my boner… but that really struck me. “Just kiss her…”

It is so true… a kiss… a wonderful, tender, shy, first kiss ^_^…. ARGH!!!! This when my nerd kicked in and started making some excuses and adding “buts”… I hate buts, I hate my nerd, I hate having a rational brain and I hate Bubblebrain.

Bubblebrain is the nickname for one of my friends… (that will make a post some day).

C'ya guys... take care...

(tomorrow is my second DATE with Mariel.. wish me luck)

... violently happy

I think I'm finally cooling down about this whole "debbuging shit"... Mariel has a strange effect on me... she acctualy manage to calm me down and stop thinking and paying that much attention to my "nerd" (for those who don't know what my "nerd" is, read the PS at the end).

I had a short yet very nice conversation with her last night.... it seems like things are going well for me... for us.

Also, while I was speaking with Erick yesteday I realized that I have already begin to fall for her... I am willing to take the next step... now, don't get me wrong, I don't mean "poping the question", but maybe I'll start sharing a little bit more. Letting her to know me as I really am. That, for me, is the next step of vulnerability.

I hope everything turns out ok.

I am feeling also a little bit anxious about this friday... I am happy 'coz I will go out with her to Sappho's concert, but I am also worried about the fact tha Ireri may also go. I am not worried about seeing her, not even seeing her with her new boyfriend. I am worried about how she might react when she sees me with Mariel.... really worried. That woman psique goes beyond human comprehension. Way beyond.

Let us cross our fingers and wish for a good night tomorrow.

PS: my "nerd" is the ugly/coward side of me... that being designed to take care of me but also to fuck with my life.

debugging please...

Am in hell... A hell known as "PPI the worst class ever"... 103 people packed up in a classroom that is usually filled with 40 or so.
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Yesterday I was having a chat with Erick, and it helped me a lot to realize that in order to be able to be with Mariel and fully enjoy her... I first must run a "debug" for all the files archived under the name "Ireri" in my brain. Really, angst was starting to accumulate in me when I realize that I was forever comparing them. Mariel is a awesome girl, and she deserves a fresh relationship with me.

I am very excited about what is going on with her... and at some level I putting all my energy into that relationship, but for now, most of the energy was spent trying not to make comparisons.

Anyway... this is really fucked up... am not feeling OK. I was OK until yesterday when I finished this master piece of a gift to Mariel. I put all I had into it... and I am really satisfied with the outcome... but suddenly I freaked out when I realized what I have done... maybe this gift is too much!!!!

Is it?

Maybe I am over reacting with all this?

Am I?

Maybe it is too soon?

Is it?

argh... this is hard... I have to debug Ireri, I have to calm down and find out what I really want with Mariel... and I have to STOP THINKING THIS MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

winter colours...

Lately my brother has being behaving a little strange, but now I understand why, I read his blog today queloco.tk, and it hit me. I should have known better and do not take him seriously, he needed some understanding that is all.

He is very sad, and I think I understand him. One of his dearest friends, Pau, went away to study in France and I belive that hit him pretty hard, all of our friends are slowly going away. This last few months have been very strange for us, last month was a shitty one, when we actually thought our house was hunted or something beacuse of all the shit that was happening to us (that is an old story, if you like you can check it up in my previous posts), last month Ireri broke up with me and I faced some of the most difficult days in my life, and even now her presence is managing to keep taunting me, like last Friday, when all of the sudden my friends manage to make me feel very guilty about going out with Mariel… I was shocked, my brother tried to convince me that they were just “joking”, but it hurt me really bad, to a point where I was no longer feeling comfortable and I started to make other feel uncomfortable. Anyways…

Last month sucked because of lot of reasons… then this month is a “good-bye” month. Quite a few friends of us are going away, Alex, Joey, Pau… I mean, I am very happy for them, to se them doing what they want to do, but it still feels weird in your guts when you say good-bye to someone with the certainty that you wont see them in a long time.

I am really thankful for having the opportunity of getting to know Mariel, she has helped me in more ways that she will ever know… she has gave me something to think about, something to be excited about, a little inspiration, emotional emancipation and a smile every night.

My brother told me that my blog was much more interesting back when I was all depressed and posting about how much life sucks… that is awful, that for most of us people “depressing”, “sad”, and “tears” and words much more “entertaining” than “smile”, “happy”, and “joy”.

That is fucked up… but sadly it is true, my blog is having fewer visits since I started writing about me being happy…

For those who read my blog for the sake of knowing how I am doing… thank you…
For those who read it just because they felt better entertained knowing that I was down and depressed… go and kill a kitten, maybe you will find that sad enough for you to be happy =P

Well, c'ya guys... now I am sure that I WILL post a chronicle of my date with Mariel, so check my blog tomorrow morning or tonight... ^_^

glory on me...

I wrote a very large entry that described my date... but when I was about to publish it I couldn't... it didn't felt right. Sorry guys, but this time I will tell you this and only this:

^_^

Dunno, maybe I will put the description later... but for now I would like to embrace it and feel it inside before I share. I know that most of you understand me... I don't want to bastardize this feeling with sloppy words.

Thanks for you patiente, take care.

just a few hours...

Well... I am very nervous indeed, and my brother and friends try they hardest to make it worst yesterday... so thank you all: dammables creatures!!!

Anyway... the clock is ticking . Wish me luck.

freaked out!!!

Ok... ok.. i need to calm down...

This is what happened... I was having a nice chat with Mariel yesteday in MSN, and I was talking to her about this movie that I would like to see with her, th only problem was that this movie is going to be shown until Novemeber 2nd... and she said somethin like this:

Mariel: "it is a shame that it will take a while for us to be able to go out together... "
me: "yeah... I know, but just be patient with me"
Mariel: "why..."
(this is when I started to freak out!!!)
me: "well.. because... err... ehem... never mind"
Mariel: "Oh c'mon, I wont let it go, please tell me"
(I spent like a couple of minutes trying to convice her to let it go.... but that was impossible)
me: "argh"
Mariel: "tell me"
me: "argh"
Mariel: ...
me: "ok... hmmmm... i was trying to make this NOT in MSN... that is why I asked for your phone number"
Mariel: "meaning...?"
me: "Ok... are you free this Saturday?"
Mariel: "yes"
(by this time I swear my balls were on the floor trying to escape)
me: "Mariel... would yo do me the honor to go out with me this Saturday?"
Mariel: "yes ^_^"
me: "^_^"

So that is the story.. I have a date!!! yay!!! ^_^
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I was happy... but then my evil Brother, Hector, said to me "that is strange... I think it is way too early for you to go a date... " To which I said: "O_o crap!!!!"

He might be right...


ARGHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I need.. to breathe... I need to calm down...


ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!

and it all comes down to this...

Well... today I learnt something: "false modesty doesn't get you anywhere", the thing is that I am taking "comic" class at my college. The main reason for me to do this is to have a chance to be with Mariel (she is taking the same class), but I told my teacher that I didn't know how to draw because I wanted to be able to lay back, enjoy and be able to have some quality time with Mariel, so, instead of me working very hard in a project, I am just "learning the basics"

Today my whole complot was turned down by my big mouth.. hehehe.. What happened was that I promised Mariel that I was going to show her one of my drawings (I enjoy a lot doing pointillism) and I made the mistake to bring that up in class while I was having a conversation with my teacher… my teacher was telling me something like this: “you can’t fool me.. I know you know how to draw” and I told him: “well I don’t… I only know how to do pointillism” (which is true, pointillism is a beautiful technique, but it does not demand for a high ability in drawing), but when I said this I reach out for my backpack to show him my latest drawing…

…. ^_^ (look my drawing!!!)

.… O_o (wait.. what am I doing?)

…. ¬_¬ (fuck... now he will know)

It was too late… the peer pressure of my teacher and the cute eyes of Mariel asking me to see the drawing were to much for me to resist… so I ended up showing him what I could do… anyway.. my teacher is now all excited about what he saw and he now wants me to make more.

So my charade is over… hehehe… well it was worth it, Mariel said it was beautiful… ^_^ But I was very embarrassed when everybody looked at my work… I felt very… dunno… strange. It is strange to have a group of incredible artist saying that your work is good…

That is all guys… so a piece of advise… do never lie… hehehe… it is not worth it and at the end the outcome of the lying is much worse of what could have happened if I haven’t lied in the first place.

C’ya guys… take care

I'm not sorry...

Today something weird happened... I was very, VERY happy… as a matter of fact I think I am still in that “happy” mood. The strange thing is not that I was happy though, what surprised me was that suddenly I felt like running… and I ran. I am not very fond with sports so that is why I find this very strange… I ran up and down in my college. I ran until I couldn’t do it any more.. and I have to tell you guys, it felt great.

There is not a particularly good reason for me to be happy… yesterday I went to Pancho’s house to pay him a visit after my dentist appointment, and he gave me my b-day present ^_^, a Morrissey’s CD called “You are the Quarry” and I was able to get my tripod back from Ireri… it was the first time I saw her in a month… hehehe… and I felt fine just to be able to say goodbye to her.. I mean, it is not that I hadn’t done it before, but yesterday when Pancho and I walked her to her house and we say “bye” I just turn my back and started heading back.. I felt free… finally, with a whole future ahead of me. I believe that yesterday was the real “farewell” and that is how I have always picture a farewell: simple, casual and comfortable… no tears, no crying and no sadness.

Now that I think about it… I do have a good reason to feel happy (that’s why I love to write in this blog… hehehe.. it helps me realize what I am feeling).

Anyway… the title of this post.. I feel like I have to try to explain it…. Yesterday I was having a conversation with Mariel (sadly a short one… ) and I said to her that I am not really happy about the career that I am in… that maybe I made a mistake when I choose my major… but while I was saying this I thought… “wait a minute… if I hadn’t chose this major I also wouldn’t have had the opportunity to get to know Mariel… so… ehem… I am not sorry”.

And then she said smiling to me: “maybe after you finish this you could study something you really like” And first I tried to argue with that and she just said “well.. you could”.. and I said “yes… you are right”… hehehe… simple… there is no point to become a winning bitch, so I smiled back at her…

I could make a full description of this short chat with her… but I’ll keep it to myself =P

Good bye guys!!!

THANKS TO YOU ALL WHO WISHED ME HAPPY B-DAY!!! And also THANKS TO YOU ALL WHO HAVE READ MY BLOG…!!!! ^_^

it's all so still...

Well guys, here is a little something I wrote:

It's so sweet
waking up like this
all fear hidden
all doubts forgotten

It is so sweet
closing my eyes
seeing you last
seeing you sleep

And it will be grand
To hold you hand
Smiling and whispering
Secrets of mine
Secrets for you

Wondering and dreaming
Far beyond this place
Up into the sky
Playing among clouds

Laughing out loud
Seeing your eyes
Holding your hands
Seeing you shine

It's so sweet
Having you here…

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I know that this may be considered as the single most honey dripping poem that I've wrote... but I like it. It is dedicated for a certain person that may never read it... acctually I am to shy so show it to her, but maybe later I will... I have known her for two weeks, so I don't want to rush things up...

PS: ^_^

falling stars... passing years.

Yesterday was a big day, and ironically, I didn't feel it big at all. I turned 20 just a few hours ago, the "teen" years have passed me by and I like people call a "young-adult".... it is same acctually, so that is why I am saying it was not a big day... I got to spent it with someof my friends doing what I enjot the most, so it was a good day.

Today feels the same... right now I haven't got much to write, but am sure that tomorrow I will think of something more interesting, or maybe, jusy maybe (OH PLEASE GOD!!!!) something interesting will happen.. dunno.. in my comic's class ^_^

C'ya

THE test...

Well, like I promised, this is THE Victor Padilla's Test:

PHASE 1: this first part of the test helps you to know the person just in the outsidem, but it is necessary to star simple in order to generate trust and honesty. In this part you have to keep it superfitial.

1. Favorite Color:
2. Favorite floor:
3. Favorite song:
4. Favorite food:

PHASE 2. In this phase we want to ge in touch with a deeper layer or the person, the sensation leyer. This part is one of my favorites `coz I do believe it helps you a lot to get to know the person.

1. What is your favorite scent?
2. What is your favorite sound?
3. What is your favorite cloth?
4. What is your favorite moment in the day? (dawn, dusk, day, etc...)

PHASE 3. This phase is just an intro to the next phase `coz it helps you to get into a even deeper layer. You have to be very patient from now on, people will usually take longer to answer the following quiestions.

1. Your first memory:
2. Your favorite memory:

PHASE 4. Imagination, this the key in this phase. This phase helps you to know if the person is an original, imaginative thinker or is just full of cheesy shit.

1. If you'd had a magic box, what would you like to keep inside?
2. There is a door in the end of a dark hallway, when you open it, what do you see in the other side?
3. You walk thru a bridge surrounde by darkness and fog, what is the first thing you see in the other side?

PHASE 5. The last phase!!! the free phase!!! This last phase is an open table for you to ask whatever you'd like. Here are some examples of mine:

1. Have you ever considered to comit suicide?
2. Did you have a happy childhood?
3. Are you happy?
4. What do you wish to accomplish in you ligfe?
5. How do you want to die?
6. What kind of burial do you want to have?
7. When you go to sleep at night, you do it with a smile in your face or with a relief sight?
8. Your worst nightmare.
9. Your best dream.
10. What kind of animal would you like to be? (NEW!!!)
11. What kind of instrument would you like to be? (NEW!!!)

You know...

... you are doing well when you go to sleep with a big goofy smile in your face. Seriously, I think that is one of the best moments of the day. I am more a morning person, you know?, I love to wake up when the sun wakens me and I love to wake up with a smile, remembering your dreams or yesterday… but there is certainly a charm in going to bed happy and smiling. I hardly do that, for me going to sleep is almost a ritual in which I love to wonder in my thoughts, write something and look to the stars from my window.. it is more like an introspection moment for me.

Yesterday, probably for the first time in a long time I applied the “Victor Padilla Test” to someone… maybe I’ll make a post with the question I have added thru the years (for real, that test was created like three years ago by Pancho and I, and I have making bigger and bigger each time I apply it ´coz I ask them to add a question to it, it begun with three or so questions). Anyway, I applied this test and I really have fun, it is great when you get good answers and even better when those answers open a window to a person’s heart and you really get to know them better.

I applied the Test to Mariel, this really cute, intelligent, interesting girl… she is kinda gothic/metal/alternative girl… I gotta tell you guys, she is one of a kind and I am really happy to be able to meet her… I am also scared, it’s been a long time since I felt like this, and it scares the hell out of me… I am afraid to jump into something that I am not ready to fully enjoy, and I am also afraid that this withdrawal, this “let’s wait until things clear out for me” will sabotage my relationship with this girl. If there is any ¬_¬

Damn!!! I forgot how complicate this kinda stuff is… love is a funny thing, it feels nice and fuzzy and all… but if it gets you unprepared it also feels like a kick in your stomach…

Oh well… someone, please calm me down or else I’m going to explode.

I'll sit in the garden...

... put some honey in my eyes and wait for some ants to come and eat them!!!!

ARGHH!!! Yesterday... well, i was seeing this really good movie (very very dramatic, almost like a greek tradegy... everybody dies in the end) and while I was seeing it I left my MSN open so I could hear when someone send me something, and when I heard a message I would run to the computer and see who sent me what (the thing is that I was hoping to meet someone in the net), anyway, I heard a uncomming message and I run to the computer to check it out, when I got there I saw this person online and I got really excited so I went upstairs to tell my bro to continue seeing the movie without me (you follow?) and when I got back to the computer this person was already OFFLINE!

ARGH!!!!!!!!!! I really wanted to chat with this person... !!!!

(Notice how I haven't said who!? hehehehe.... I'll never tell you her name... oppps o_O )

Yesteday I had I good day ^_^ I had my first Photo class and apparently it's going to be great! Also Ireri called me, am not really happy 'coz of that, am happy ´coz for the first time it didn't affect me at all... i felt totally in control of my feelings and my words, and for the first time I was even able to be mature and tough enough with her to stop this emotional swirl in which she had trapped. I didn't play this game called "i'll eat you bullshit if you eat mine"... I was sincere and honest with her, and I think that is the first step for me to really get over her and even forgive her so that we could form this "so-called friendship" that I've talked you about before.

I think that the fact that I met someone else helps me a lot, not I am not always thinking about Ireri and now I beginning to think more and more about this girl that I met... ^_^ It is not like I want her to be girlfriend or something, it is just too soon, but having a girl to think about and fell a fuzzy warm feeling inside is just GREAT it had been a while since I felt this way...

Let's smile in the name of hope... and who knows, maybe love.


PS: i don't want to get all excited about this girl, so, what the hell can I do to remain centered and calmed, I don't want to get hurt this fast again.. so maybe I should remain distant for a while, what do you think???

... still pretty good year

Today... well, I can't really put an adjective to a day such as this. It would be murder, I'll be killing what today meant to me.

"Today is the greatest day..." Today I was able to experience chanGe in its true form, change as I believe is given to us in life; change is subtle but sure and commonly you don't even notice it is there until it happened. I had my first comic class today, and how I end up being in that class is something I may tell you later, but for now I'll keep to myself, but this class is one of the best things that I could do for myself in this moment. I am happy ^_^

In the other hand am feeling kinda sad `coz one of my friends is going to be a Priest.... he says this is what he needs and desires in his life right now, and I've decided to believe in him like I have always do, and let him go without making him feel more nervous or insecure about this very hard decision.

I really love Joey, for real, I've came to be certain that he is one of my best friends, one for whom I would kill someone or die for. I know this sounds chesee, and those who knows me may say that I always make fun of him and that kinda stuff... and it is true, but I can also say that from our group of friends, I am one of the few that really care for him. It may look in the outside like I don't but I think he knows as well as do how much I care about him. So, Joey: "Good luck and enjoy this once-in-a-life-time opportunity.

I'm sad 'coz Joey in getting into a world in which we won't be able to see him much, but I am very happy for him 'coz he is doing what he wants to do and that makes him happy, and that is what life is about.

This day was a good day... a really tiresome day but it was worth it... I think that finally I begin to see things more clearly and for the first time in a very long time I am sure that I will go to sleep with a smile in my face.

PS: hey guys... a secret... girls are nice after all, there is hope... you just have to open to the possibility that in order to get something that you haven't got you have to start doing things that haven't done before. Believe me guys... I know ^_^

tell me more...

This summer can't easily be described with words... lots of things happened to me and to those around me.

First of all, when last semester was recently over a group of friend and I started to cook up a really interesting project in my uncle’s company. It was a really good project for us and for him, we were suppose to fix lots of things in his company and he was going to give us a good amount of money for doing so… anyway ¬_¬, long story short… he screwed us up, stole the first part of the project (the planning… that, per se, it’s a lot of work and can easily be charged in $2,000 US or so) and hired his daughters and others nephews to do the work… it was a nasty thing to do to. We could have filed a lawsuit, but I really didn’t want to get into a fight with family.

Then, I got into a project called IXP in which I learnt a lot and met some of the finest people I’ve ever seen. This project is really ambitious and good, for real, but these past few weeks have been difficult for me, so I kinda stayed away from it, maybe I’ll get back to it later, who knows… (if I do so, I might as well become rich ^_^)

Also I get into the MEXWORKS world… TA TA TAAAAN!!!!… it was one of the greatest experiences of my life, I took the first two courses (INTRO and EIP). My life changed a lot and I had the chance to meet lots of new friends and grow as a person.

Like a week after I got out of the EIP, “you know who”, broke up with me and got a new boyfriend in just a couple of weeks… that’s old story so I wont get back into that.

My friend Joey got back form Europe which was great for several reasons, he had the chance to figure out his life and when he came back I spent some quality time with him. I also discovered another of my so called “friends” (I wont say the name)… well, his is not trustworthy. That sadden me a bit, but I think it’s good to know now and not later when it can be much worst.

That’s pretty much it… in just two months my life changed a lot, I spent money like a stupid brat but it was worth the pain (with the courses and IXP I spent quite a large sum of money… but I see it as an invest for my person and my growth, so I think it’s ok).

… I remember back when a summer break meant just relaxing and wasting time… gosh I miss my childhood, nowadays so many things happen that I think am not the same person that I was just two months ago.
Take care and in case I don’t see you… Good morning, good afternoon and good night!!!

... blame it to the black star

Well guys, as of tomorrow my summer break is officially over... and it really sucks. Not only because I have to go to school but also 'coz my next semester's scheadule it's terrible, the worst that human eyes have ever seen.

I had a really great time yesterday... I spent a lot of good quality time with Joey and Blanco, and it was nice... we had some beers then we crash to one of joey's friends party and I have to say it... ^_^ i really had a good time, I met lots of really cool guys and girls; girls that you can actually talk to about interesting stuff!!! and that was the highlight of the evening, to be able to chat with girls that know about good music, good places to hang out, love videogames and comics... and i met this really nice guy that was weating a SQUEE t-shirt, so in the minute I saw this guy and those girls I knew that I was in the right place. Yesterday was great beacuse I was able to realize that there a tons of great girls out there, so there is hope.

The thing is, that yesterday I felt a little down when I realized that most of the girls in my life (including my friends) lately have behave really strange and have broken lots of hearts all over the world!!! I wont get into details because some of the stories are really fucked up, but believe me guys, there is something wrong with girls of my age... the can't have a good healthy relationship beacuse they all feel CONFUSED and don't know what they want (that was the same excuse in all the different cases!!!!) But still... they are playing with humans with real emotions, the are not in a movie or a novell... and the sad part is that I think they can't see that.

So strange girls in a way too strange summer (I'll make a post about this later...)... WHO TO BLAME!?

Take care! ^_^


PS: David, thanks for the poem!

"If you wanna give God a good laugh...

... tell him about your plans" ¬_¬

For the last three days I've trying to finish up a script that I have in mind, and I really dares to think that it was a piece of cake and I would finish it in one afternoon... HA! ...
Now I know why scripts can be sold very well... it's not easy at all to write a good script (not that I am pretentious enough to think that am good)... so I hope I'll be able to finish it up tonight.

This week has been a very strange week... lots of new things hava happened to me... like I said, I saw "The Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless mind" and it helped me a lot to see things differently in my life right now... it still hurts some times, specially when my %$&ing mind play me jokes! Last night I dreamt that Ireri and I were together... it was not a special "get together dream"; it was just a dream in which Ireri was still my girl like if nothing happened. Anyway, the dream wasn't special at all it was just very normal and I think that was what make it harder for me `coz when I woke up and openned my eyes I just thought: "OH FUCK! THAT'S RIGHT" and I remembered.

Besides that crazy dream I've been doing lots of things that I never think of doing before, like writting in a more professional way, doing small works for everyone and the strangest thing above all is that I got hacked by this asshole that apparently was hired by this girl that got pregnant... BY ME! hehehehe I don't really know what's going on, but apparently there is a girl somewhere that thinks that I the dad of her upcoming child (which is impossible because I haven't met her and also because for the last 2 1/2 years I had a girlfriend!!!!) ... anyway... that was very annoying 'coz I had to change my password and everything.. I LOVED that password.

Ireri is in USA right now which is good for me 'coz I don't have to torture myself whether I should call her or not and that kind of pathetic things... I had a chat with Pancho, my friend, and he told me "to stop fooling around, she wont get back to you, and even if she does, it wont be any good for you to take her back right now!"... I think he is right. She is gone for good, she is with some other guy... she broke my heart and all... so, there's no point for me in dwelling in the past... so girls!!!! here I come... (or not ¬_¬ .. am shy as hell to hook up with girls)...

So everything in my life is good right now.. except for that darn hacker and for that awfuly painful dream.

C'ya guys later... take care

PS: by the way... check this http://www.geocities.com/artax_info/main.html
it is cool group called ARTAX!!! YAY! ^_^

these memories...

I saw a great movie today, it's called "The Eternal Sunshine of a spotless mind" (or something like that... First, I gotta tell you guys: "YOU HAVE TO SEE IT!!!" is awesome, I love the production house "FOCUS", their produce this movie and also "Lots in Translaction" and "Being John Malkivich".

When I saw this movie my whole vision of my world and what was going on in my life changed... up until now I was focused in all the suffereing that Ireri brought to my life when she "finished us"... and now, thanks to this movie I can see all the good things that she gave, and there is no point in dwelling in the bad things... no wI feel free to move on and start seeing things in a more beautiful way... yes, she hurted me now, but there is no point of throwing everything to the garbage just beacuse on this last few awful weeks.. am I right?

Love you all guys.... I gotta go, tomorrow I'll keep with this, but now my bro needs the computer.

deep thoughts... wow!!!

I saw Fight Club tonight... and I gotta tell you... WOW!!!

(teehee hehehehe.. well the begining of this post is like a joke.. am making fun of my bro when he talks about movies.. hehehehe... he is better with movies reviews, so I'll let him take , kay?)

Anyway... am feeling a little better now... and thanks you all for all the support that you've gave me this past few days. This is a short post, maybe tomorrow I'll write something of more interest. (thank you David, knowing that you support me is great)

I send her an e-mail... a pretty harsh one I'd say... but it was cleaning job... I dunno what'll happen but what's done is done... I just hope (out of this pathetic caring that I still have towards her) that this e-mail doesn't hurt her that much.

C'ya

like shadows...

I wake up with a silent scream trapped inside my chest. A scream released in the shape a of a warm tear, and while I open my eyes and face the light that slowly fills my room... I remember.

All these memories revolving around my head, like ghosts, harass me. Making me think of what it is, of what it was and what will never be. I can't help it, I sight and begin to dispair, not only because of what am feeling but also because of these memories, memories of smiles, hugs and kisses... gosh, I feel them as soon as I begin to think of them... I feel them also as they fade away into the past. I feel oll of those broken promises and I really don't know what to do, what to make of all these feelings.

It is impossible for me to understand.. I want to hurry and run, I want to do something, to hit someone, to trash something.

Dunno... girls... if you happen to read this, can you please explain??? usually we men are portrayed as the bad guys, the assholes in love stories, so please... is there somehow a way to justify all of this??? is there an explanation for this? Why would someone hurt somebody that they claim the love? Is there a point to this? Is it, at some sick level, a normal thing you girls do? Saying: "Am confused... so fuck off!" and yet you still believe this is the best?

Really ,please, can someone please tell me... is there a way to see all of this that doesn't hurt me this much??? Is there a cure fo this besides time?

She entered my life... I fall in love with her, I chace her for four months 'coz she still wasn't ready to jump into a relationship beacuse she had a boyfriend a year before I met her (and still she wasn't ready)... she was my first love, we were together for two years and a half, and a few day after she broke up with me she has a new boyfriend!!! I mean... WHAT THE HELL IS THAT???!!!! I wasn't significant enough for her? she forgot about me that fast.

Fuck this, am off....

what's the use of falling in love...

Seeminly forever I’ve believed
Not only in love and kisses
But also in friendship and trust
Now am shatter,
Now I know
Neither of these are for me to feel
Just be quiet and stay low
Avoid some bullets called love
There’s no point to all of these
If love is not true and sencire
Now am shatter,
Now I know,
She is gone.

Not even three weeks...

Not even three &%@*ing weeks!!!

She is now with this Erik thing... person... guy. However not even three weeks passed since she broke up with me. I mean, everything that we had wasn't really that important? She didn't mourn it for a little while... she just jumped into his arms like she was desperate to do it, like our relationship was like a dungeon and I was the evil wicked wizard. All that we had wasn't really that important to her, the last months of our life together were a complete fake... all those kisses, all those hugs, all of that was a fake.

Yesterday I cried like I've never done it... the sad part is the reason of my crying.

Am I stupid for believing in love? Am I an ass for trying? Am I a weirdo for betting for friendship?

I'd like to write a poem about this... maybe I'll will.