the A-B-C-D-E-Ffor kitten tortures...

This post is a present for Memo, for those who are not sick enough or strong enough to read what follows please stop reading now...
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If you are reading this it means that probably you need psychiatric help.

Material needed:

* A bucket of cold water
* A box.
* A crystal bowl.
* A stereo.
* A confused bulldog.
* A ska cd.
* A razor.
* A hammer and some nails.
* Lemon juice and salt.
* An effervescent pill.
* tequila.

Torture A (the classic). This is one of the classics. You kindly pick up a kitten from the floor and start petting him from his head to his tail (do this several times). Once the kitten starts purring you suddenly grab him by his tail and start making wide and fast circles with him above your head. Then you suddenly let him go and see where it lands. If the kitten is conscious, you can grab him again an restart the process until the kitten runs away or falls “sleep”.

Torture B (the classic II). You have to make sure to get your cat drunk first, so lets pour some Tequila or vodka (if you’d like) into his water. Once the cat is drunk and playful you carry it around to gain his trust. Once the cat is purring an playing drunk and pathetically with your hair you put the effervescent pill in his mouth and push it in with your finger. The make sure to put him outside in the garden or something. I highly recommend you to take some pictures so you can laugh with them every time you want to. And then, just wait for the “blast”

Torture C. You have to put the cold water (iced if possible) in a closed box with the cat inside. Then proceed to out the ska record in the stereo next to the box. Play it loud and repeat it. If nature does his work right the cat may become a mindless zombie or even better you can open the box to find out that the cat chose to drown himself in the ice-cold water rather than listening to that hellish music.

Torture D. This one is simple, just nail the kitten’s tail to the floor and layback to have fun seeing him trying to escape.

Torture E. Lets use our friend tequila again, but this time lets get the cat totally drunk, I mean “totally”, until he passes out. Once the cat is soundly asleep you have to kindly shave him… do not leave a hairy spot. Once the kitten wakes up you have to walk around with him around the block so that the his friends can see him and make fun of him. Once the cat is depressed enough you have to get back home an offer him a “relaxing bath” also known as “lemon and salt” bath. Grab the cat and launched him to the bowl with the mixture, and just enjoy.

Torture F. This one is simple, find a confused cat lover bulldog and put him with you cat in a very small room… hehehehe.. and just wait a few months to see the most horrible creatures in the world.
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This is all, if you can think of something better you might as well post a torture here, ok?
Now for all of you who read this… PLEASE GET SOME HELP!!! And do it fast, you need it.

PS: no imaginary or real kitten/cat was harmed.