like shadows...

I wake up with a silent scream trapped inside my chest. A scream released in the shape a of a warm tear, and while I open my eyes and face the light that slowly fills my room... I remember.

All these memories revolving around my head, like ghosts, harass me. Making me think of what it is, of what it was and what will never be. I can't help it, I sight and begin to dispair, not only because of what am feeling but also because of these memories, memories of smiles, hugs and kisses... gosh, I feel them as soon as I begin to think of them... I feel them also as they fade away into the past. I feel oll of those broken promises and I really don't know what to do, what to make of all these feelings.

It is impossible for me to understand.. I want to hurry and run, I want to do something, to hit someone, to trash something.

Dunno... girls... if you happen to read this, can you please explain??? usually we men are portrayed as the bad guys, the assholes in love stories, so please... is there somehow a way to justify all of this??? is there an explanation for this? Why would someone hurt somebody that they claim the love? Is there a point to this? Is it, at some sick level, a normal thing you girls do? Saying: "Am confused... so fuck off!" and yet you still believe this is the best?

Really ,please, can someone please tell me... is there a way to see all of this that doesn't hurt me this much??? Is there a cure fo this besides time?

She entered my life... I fall in love with her, I chace her for four months 'coz she still wasn't ready to jump into a relationship beacuse she had a boyfriend a year before I met her (and still she wasn't ready)... she was my first love, we were together for two years and a half, and a few day after she broke up with me she has a new boyfriend!!! I mean... WHAT THE HELL IS THAT???!!!! I wasn't significant enough for her? she forgot about me that fast.

Fuck this, am off....