Amusing with a slight touch of truth...

Yesterday I was in a weird mood, one of those days in which you feel like making fun of everything and everyone. It happens sometimes, and when it does I have to admit that I tend to say pretty stupid things, but rarely I say a couple of funny things, and maybe once a year I say something that makes sense.

For example, yesterday I saw a couple of kids in my school.... in fact I don't feel comfortable saying "kids", what I saw can only be described as "creatures". These two kids (one of them is about my age, the other one... dunno) are the son and the daughter of a teacher here. This teacher must height about 1.60 mts, weight about 100 kilos, and he looks (I swear) like the flesh and bone personification of Mario Bross. Once a couple of months ago I go a glimpse of his wife... she was also absurdly ugly. After I saw their kids, and saw the ugliness in them I thought:

“If there are laws that prohibit people with certain diseases, and mental incapacities have children to prevent their children from suffer the same challenges… why isn’t there a law that prohibits ugly people to have children?”

I know... I know… I am asshole for saying this… but please try to see this from an asshole point of view. Nowadays there a lots of suicides, low self-esteem and hate crimes… and I seriously think that people in the world will be more happy if ugly people eventually ceased to exist… it’s like and utopia, where everybody will be gorgeous and happy. By preventing ugly people to get together, the ugly population will slowly decrease. So no more low self-esteem, no more hate, no more discrimination, no more suicides and no more ugliness.

Besides, this poor kids, the children of two ugly people who where vindictive enough to have their own children, will know only suffering in their lives. They might not be mentally challenged, nor physically challenged, but they will surely be psychologically challenged.

I am NOT against ugly people… I want to make that clear… I am against ugly parents that get together only to have ugly children… as if by doing so they were saying: “FUCK YOU WORLD!!!”

It is also true that beauty is the eyes of the beholder… but c’mon people! Ugly is ugly… and when I say ugly I mean: oh-my-God-What-is-that?-no-wait-if-that-exist-then-there-can’t-be-a-God ugly… the kind of ugly that gives you the chills, give you nightmares and sometimes provokes you to tear out your eyes.

C'ya... and let the asshole in you come out sometimes.. is fun

The war of the... huh... whatever...

Much to my disapproval, a war is being held right now. I hate wars, and I hate them more if they are moronic and stupid. Here is a top Five of the stupidest wars in the history:

1. War on Terrorism (taking the lead... just plain stupidity, but then again: "the American dream").
2. Vietnam (that wasn't a war, it was a massacre).
3. World War One (nothing interesting happened, no Hitler, no Mussolini, no massive killing of Jews... booooooring).
4. La Guerra de los Pasteles (a bunch of Mexicans and French people launching cakes... bah, do I need to say more?).
5. The so called "La guerra de los clones" (here and here).

The number five is the latest addition. It is war between my brother and some other Hector Padilla. They are fighting over the name and the nickname "Pada". So here are my thoughts:

a) The fact that this Pada guy doesn't know another Hector Padilla... well, you don't many friends right buddy? (Bro 1 , Pada 0 )

b) My brother, well... he is my brother, so for the sake of a good brotherhood. (Bro 1 , Pada 1)

c) The nickname Pada sucks!!! Sucks big time, c'mon!!! It once met a girl with the nick name Panda... so you have, in my opinion, a girly nickname. This doesn't give my brother the right to win another point, so I will take one down on Pada ( Bro 1 , Pada 0)

d) The name Hector is not a very good one... everybody seems to be named like that, and besides Hector, the legendary warrior, dies in "The Iliad"... so, the name is tainted with defeat. So a point will be taken from both of you (Bro 0 , Pada -1)

e) Pada is a Warsie... (Bro 0 , Pada -2)

f) Pada is older, so he go the name first. (Bro 0 , Pada -1)

g) My brother has Attention Deficit Disorder, so he'll probably forget about this whole thing soon.. heck! he might as well forget his name!!! So Pada, unless you have ADD too... it seems that you will take care of the name better. (Bro 0 , Pada 0 )

h) Both Pada and my Brother are fighting over a name that hundreds of people must have all over the world (at least here in Mexico and in Spain), and both of you are "grown ups", so you should be ashamed of yourselves. (Bro -1, Pada -1)

i) My brother's name is Hector Alejandro... Pada has only one name... so he might as well get another... c'mon... he is a "one namer"... people got burned in the mediaeval era for that. (Bro -1. Pada -2)

j) The profile of Pada is empty and clones are commonly known for their emptiness... so a point for my brother. (Bro 0- Pada -2)

k) Let's face it... the lay-out and "look" of my bro's blogg is much nicer (Bro 1, Pada -2)

l) Pada is from the capital, and that is one cool city... so assuming that you do seize the chance of going to numerous concerts and cultural events, and assuming that you don't have the shitty tastes in music that my brother has (for the love of God, he is into Belinda!!!)... I'll give you a point (Bro 1, Pada -1).

m) Pada lives is one of the most dangerous cities in the world... so he might as well get brutally anal raped tomorrow and stabbed in the libber five times after that, and later in the hospital he will get robbed all of his internal organs and be brutally raped again by a she-male.... so I say let's give him the name so he can enjoy it in the little time he has left (Bro 1, Pada 0)

So, that is pretty much how the score ended as for now... Bro 1, Pada 0

Let's wait to see what my Bro or Panda have to say about his...

C'ya, and take care!!!!

Vivid dream two...

(from this point my dreams gets fuzzy, I dunno if I dreamt it like I remember, or maybe I remember just a little)

. . . Covered by darkness and moisten soil I star to despair. (at this point of the dream it all got really strange, surreal would be the word, but it's redundant though). I started crawling through the ground, trying to find my way out. At some point I managed to do it, and jumped out of the grave. I jumped so hard that I was suddenly flying farther and farther from the ground... tiny people, tiny house, clouds, and suddenly: the stars.

Up there in the stars I was all alone and scared. I wasn't able to stop myself until I found something up there, and took it. It was the jar filled with my wife tears, her memories of me, she cried my away in my funeral. When I had the jar in my hand I felt terribly thirsty and angry, so I took the jar and drank the whole thing. The tears calmed my thirst but I was still angry... I was beginning to remember something (dunno why).

A striking sensation of pain and nausea overwhelm me. The tears are making me sleepy, my body is starting to feel weak, and I fall.

( and guess what??? I fall and I fall and I fall... and I woke up in my bed, hehehehehe, awful ending for this very strange dream. I lost lots of details am sure... but I'd like to think that I can't remember them now, then it was not meant for them to be written)

Vivid dream one...

Today was a really crazy day, and it really didn't surprise me at all. Not after having the kind of dream I had last nigh. It was a long, weird, beautiful dream, so I'll refrain from the temptation of writing it all down in one post. I'll make it more... enjoyable.

And the dream was dreamt as follows:

It is a rain day, or maybe night. All is lit with a dim gray light, and one by one, the guests come near me to pay their respects. I am at a funeral, and as they pass me by, giving me hugs and warms palm strokes on my cold face, I realize that this funeral is for me, and they are saying good-bye (of course this seemed perfectly normal in the dream).

After they were all gone, only on more guest was standing by my grave, crying soundly and painfully. She was woman, dressed in a white dress, brown hair and caressing the tomb stone gently as she held a jar. I knew then, she was my wife. I came closer but didn’t have the courage to speak to her, to touch her, to talk to her… she just stood there, filling the jar with her tears, one by one.

After a while I got bored of her (!?), of her crying… she always does the same: cries and makes me feel bad, even for dying. I violently shook her, trying to make her stop, and as I get a grip of her shoulders she shrieks, a long, piercing shriek… looking at me horrified. She begins to insult me, to call me names. She demands me to give her back her husband. I simply tell her that I can’t do that. We played by the rules, and life lost.

After a while she calms herself down. I am still holding her. And then, very slowly, she looks straight into my eyes, and with the saddest look she launches the jar to the sky. Beyond the clouds, beyond sight. And tells mutters something that I don’t remember. I nodded, let her go, and jumped into the ground, falling six feet under, to the darkness. Thinking of her, and of a present and vengeance? Perhaps.

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(as time passed by I am loosing little fragments of the dream… gonna write them all down)

The humanity...

Saturday was a good day, my dad's b-day. We had a nice family time, and Mariel got the chance to spend some time with my family. I am glad because now my parents know her better and now she knows my parents a little bit more. After a big, delicious, expensive meal (hehehehe, not really, but I paid, so I felt it expensive =P ) we all went to catch a movie, and later that night, after dropping Mariel off at her house my brother and I went out with Blanco (my bro made quite a good post about that night, so read it here and save me the trouble of writing it down).

When my brother and I arrived later that night to our home I wasn't sleepy at all (thank you so much ¬_¬), so I stayed up until 4 am, wasting some time in the internet, chatting and listening to some music (it's being a long time since I've done that, so I had a good time doing nothing).

Sunday was... Sunday. I accompanied my dad to do she grocery shopping, and much to my amazement I had a good time, dunno why... it was a shock for me too.

Then, after eating with my folks and my brother I went out to meet Mariel and her cousin Bruno in Galerias to see a movie (we saw The Terminal once again, hehehehe, good). It was strange hanging out with Mariel and Bruno... well, it is pretty obvious that Bruno is quite jealous and I know/felt that he would rather spent the afternoon with Mariel alone, but she insisted me to come along (even though I told her I wouldn't mind not to) and I also wanted to see Mariel today, so I agreed... I really don't care if Bruno likes me or not, but still it felt awkward.

The movie was over, awkward silence happened a lot but I manage to survive somehow... hehehe, then when we decided it was time for us to split, the most awkward moment ever happened, Mariel had to decide in which car (mine or Bruno's) she was going to return home... of course she said she wanted to come along with me ^_^ and Bruno didn't seem to be upset about it, but it felt weird... dunno, maybe I am just being paranoid...

Bah... that's all... I want to write something different... stop being so anecdotic and star being more reflexive.

Maybe later. C'ya

My version...

Yesterday was quite a weird day.

I skipped my last class (I just wasn't in the mood of going through the hellish class on friday afternoon), and my brother and I got home early and then headed off to a dinner with some relatives and my parents. I went to pick up Mariel so she could have dinner with us, after the dinner was over my brother, Mariel and I went to Chapultepec to meet Blanco and have some drinks.

In our way there, things started getting a little bit weird... my brother started this conversation about "why women like bad boys?" and well, the subject was quite interesting, but at some point I felt that my brother was acting a little aggressive towards me, for example, raising his voice when I tried to comment something while he was speaking and telling me things like "Would you stop that! I am talking!" (nothing wrong with that, but his was quite aggressive), and also making faces and moving his head whenever I said something (like is disapproval), so at some point, I just flipped out and started getting upset.

When we arrived to Chapultepec he was acting really weird, like segregating himself from us, being quiet and all... and when Blanco got there my brother tried his best to get Mariel and I out of the conversations, doing things like pretending there was a separation glass between them and us, and that sort of things (which I really don't mind, I find the amusing). And suddenly Mariel started acting weird, as if she was uncomfortable or sad, so I decided to take her home early so we could have a chat.

In our way to her house she told me, among other things, that she had the impression that my brother and Blanco doesn't like her (due to the way they were acting at the bar, with the whole "pretending Victor and Mariel aren't there"), and she was sad because of that and a couple of things that came as a direct consequence of that. I manage to make her feel better after a while, and after dropping her by her house, I returned to the bar with my brother and Blanco.

As soon as I returned my brother asked me what happened, and I explained them the situation... Blanco took it very well, but my brother got defensive immediately and started blaming things on me, like:

1.
Hector: "It is just that is very uncomfortable going out with you and Mariel, because you are always paying too much attention to her"

Victor: "well, yes, because you guys don't talk to her I have to talk to her all the time or else she will feel left behind or ignored... In fact, Blanco, do you remember that things withIreri were like that until you guys started to talk directly to her, and then I was able to lay back and relax?"

Blanco: "Yes, you are right..."

2.
Hector: "You started the whole thing anyway... back then at the wedding when you made me feel like the third wheel"

Victor: "C'mon man! That was only a joke!... What I did was kiss Mariel in front of you, and since I felt uncomfortable I just made the "look over there!!!" joke so you weren't looking when I did"

(At this point Blanco was begging us to stop... pleas which, of course, we ignored)

3.
Hector: "Besides, when you are with Mariel you want to have her attention all the time..."

Victor: "That's bullshit!!! You want to have her attention all the time!!! Remember when we were on our way here in the car?! you were trying to be the focus of attention all the time!!!"

4.
Hector: "Well, I FELT that you were trying to make me feel the third wheel!!!"

Victor: "That is what you felt man! And I am sorry if I did, but you shouldn't blame me on you shitty reactions"

(Blanco was still begging and the conversation started getting a little bit out of tone)
(And after a few redundant commentaries...)

5.
Hector: "Anyway, I had to step in and tried to cheer Mariel up because you were doing, obviously, a very bad job."

When my brother said this I completely lost it... I got angry, but not only angry... I got "Victor angry" (and for you unfortunate enough to know me angry, you know that I am really aggressive and irrational in that state). But I feel like I have to explain why I flipped out so aggressively and so suddenly… back then when Ireri and I were a couple, my brother used to get in our disputes all the time (with the best intentions I’m sure), but when he did he always got on Ireri’s side and thing got worse because I not had to calm Ireri down, but I had to also calm my brother down… and Ireri eventually started saying things like “your brother is right!”, or “if only you could be more like your brother!”… And well, I’ve always had issues about people comparing me with my brother (my all mighty, perfect singer, extraordinary artist, intelligent brother), so is used to be awful for me.

Anyways… when my brother said that:

Victor: “LOOK YOU ASSHOLE, WHAT THE FUCK YOU DO KNOW ABOUT THE WAY I WAS TRYING TO CHEER MARIEL UP… YOU FUCKER!!! IF YOU WEREN’T SUCH AND ASSHOLE THE ENTIRE FUCKING GOD DAMMED TIME THIS WOULDN’T HAVE HAPPENED!!! IS NOT MY FUCKING FAULT THAT YOU ARE A PANSYAND YOU FELT LIKE THE THIRD WHEEL YOU RETARD!”

Hector trying to get a hold of himself, he was always be the one that stays focus and calmed, and I gotta tell you, that just pisses me off even more when I am Victor angry, said:

Hector: “Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah…”

(At this point I wasn’t even paying attention)

Hector: “… its your fault! You started it! blah! Blah! Blah! ...”

Victor: “WHAT?! MY FAULT!? LOOK ASSHOLE!!! IF MY PRESCENSE HERE IS SOO ANNOYING I WILL JUST LEAVE BLANCO AND YOU ALONE SO YOU CAN KEEP TALKING WITHOUT ME BEING SO DAMN… FAULTFULL!!!”

(I left the bar, gave my brother the finger, and went to the car to listen to some music).

My brother went after me, and tried to make me return to the bar, but he just kept blaming things on me, saying things like “look what you’ve done, you’ve ruined the night”, or “you know what, maybe we shouldn’t got out together anymore if you are going to act like this all the time”…

¬-¬ Typical of him, always blaming problems on other people… he is (in his own world) perfect and never causes any problems, and if you don’t believe me, ask him about any problem that he have had with anyone, and you’ll notice that it is never his fault, that the other person was stupid, irrational, immature or whatever, and he only tried to make things better but couldn’t do it due to the other person… and even those few times in which he admits he was wrong (like dunno, a couple of times in his entire life), he is always too proud to say I am sorry… in fact I think he has never apologize to me, or at least I don’t remember.

When my brother arrived I was still in “victor angry” state, hence I told him to please leave me alone… my brother walked away, his last words were the “you know what, maybe we shouldn’t got out together anymore if you are going to act like this all the time”, and that my friends, pissed me off even more…

After a couple of minutes, Blanco arrived, and he dragged me to the table and acted as a mediator between my brother and I (he actually did a good job), so my brother and I hugged and call out for peace.

Things ended up not as bad as they could have…

This is, of course, my version of the night… told from the “victor angry” point of view, so I am sure is not a just version… so you can read Blanco’s and Hector’s versions if you want (and if they post something about it).

I hate school...

Argh... school is not such a bad place per se, but what makes school really bad is all the homework and the semester projects, and on top of that, I can't really have time for myself. This semester I've tried to be more relaxed and picky about the homework, but still the fact that I leave school (the earliest) and 5:30 pm makes my day extremely short, and all those little refreshing details (like writing, reading, playing video games, etc...) have become a very small fraction of my day (one hour per day, if lucky).

What I am trying to say is that I really feel drained out. I am not doing that well in grades this semester either (due to my pickiness towards the homework), and I haven't written a single short story in a couple of months!!! THAT's obscene!

I tried to recall a single "lazy day" (those days where the most stressing part of it is deciding what to eat), but for the last months I have had none... I miss them.

How do those nerdy students (the ones that do all the homework all the time, and get straight 100 in every class) manage to do it????

Argh... !!! ARGH!!!

I hate school and I am beginning to hate my career aging... argh!

C'ya... and go and set a school on fire... err... Jesus will.... errr.. dunno, grant you eternal forgiveness, or something ¬_¬

Something....

This weekend ended as good as it started ^-^

Sunday afternoon I went to hang out with Mariel at her place, it was one of those "do nothing and relax" times; so I seized the opportunity so introduce "Oh My Goddess" to her, and the greatest part is that she enjoyed it a lo (not, like Blanco, right you sleepy anime hater?) . You ought to understand me on this guys... those kind of "soup opera" animes are the very foundation of my life, well not quite, but I do like them a lot, and it was very nice for me to realize that I can share them with her. Around 9:30 pm it was time for me to head home, so I said good bye and got ready to go home and get some sleep.

But to my surprise, when I arrived home around 10:00 pm, I found my brother with his friends having some wine, beer and talking... they seemed to be having a great time, so I decided to join them. The talking and the drinking kept on until 1:30 am, so, as you can imagine, I woke up really tired monday morning.

But the fun didn't ended in a cold monday morning. My friend Joey got Monday off because of the "Congreso Eucarístico", so Joey, Joey, Cesar, Jess, Mariel and I went to eat something together with Joey. It had a terrific time hanging out with Joey, and I really hope to have him around for a long time... heck! if everything goes right I want him to be the priest in my wedding ceremony (that is if I acctuallt get married).

Tueday wasn't such a great day, it was kind of boring and Mariel was in a weird mood... luckily she was feeling much better today, and the she was radiant with energy (have ever noticed that when someone is happy they look much better looking?)... and now I am waiting for my photo class to begin...

Argh... I am very sleepy.

C'ya and sleep well... for the love of God.

Benkio!!! Benkio!!!

Well, now I am truly convinced... you can learn something new everyday... and this whole weekend it's being a very educative. Let's enlist a few of the things I learnt:

Educative fact #1: women usually hang their clothes in the bathroom not because they like the way it looks, and neither because they want to annoy is guys... they hang it there because, sometimes, their underwear needs an "emergency wash" (if you know what I mean).

Educative fact #2: it doesn't matter how well you plan something (like a nice pizza-movies afternoon with you girl), if God hates you, He will make sure none of it happens. He will probably invent a hilarious way of ruining you day, like dunno... matching the day of your plans with the day of your girl's grandparent's anniversary!!!!

Educative fact #3: winamp is your friend.

Educative fact #4: when your brother drinks four litters of beer and then tells you "am not drunk" at the same time he keeps stumbling against tiny rocks in the floor while he smiles like a little child, it's time for you to take him home.

Educative fact #5: Spanish is one of the few languages that have "te quiero", and "te amo"... and God bless this language for that.

Educative fact #6: I am weak and impotent before the pleas of a cute smile.

Educative fact #7: women are weird... not only cute weird, but frightening weird! When you think you are beginning to understand them, they surprise you in a way you lost the little understanding that you managed to get. It seems they intentionally say something and mean something else all the time... they tell you "salty" when the mean "sweet", they tell you "whatever you want honey" when they mean "you will do it my way scumbag", they tell you "slow down if you like" when they mean "what are you retarded? faster!" .

Educative fact #8: I am coward, and one of the hardest things for me is to say what I feel.

Educative fact #9: weird as they are, when a woman tells you "I love you"... worry not my friends, because she means it.

Educative fact #10: sequels usually suck.

Well... behind everyone of those educational facts a story lays, but I'm too lazy to write them all down ^-^

This was a great weekend, and Sunday afternoon is still ahead, so I'll try to make the most of it.

C’ya guys!!! And remember to always be open to the possibility of learning something new everyday.

Just to do it... again...

Well, much to my surprise and astonishment, things with Mariel are going great... ^_^ It's really great to have her around, and she is one of the nicest girls I've ever known. In fact, I'd never thought I'd be able to care about her this much; it's a strange feeling, but at some level I was convinced that I was through with love and caring, that from now on I will have fun and enjoy (like that radiohead song -fitter happier- when it says "fun, but not in love")... nevertheless, little by little I've discovered myself doing things (like smiling, blushing, jumping around...) when she is around, that now I starting to believe that I've really fallen for her. She just captivated me.

Why the "Just to do it.. again..." title? This is a line of one of my favorite PULP songs (i don't remember the name right now) that touches me deeply. What this line means for me, is that happiness and joy come in the same package that hardship and sadness, and it is almost a proven fact that people will always have troubles, and at some level if you fall in love with someone you will get hurt... but it's worth it, and being hurt and sad is one of the most wonderful gifts love can give you, 'coz it helps you to cherish what's really important, it makes you feel alive. All this "Love-hurting" process is great, fun and beautiful and now I'm convinced that I will try to give it all to fully surrender to this experience with Mariel and enjoy it like I'm supposed to.

Well, enough of these senseless ramblings...

C'ya and... go hug a tree or something ¬_¬

Not even in my dreams...

It is strange, and I can't really explain why, but there seems to be a very high level of guiltiness in my life (you know, that ichy feeling that won't allow you to enjoy anything 'coz at some level you feel like it is bad to enjoy something, or maybe you don't deserve it).

Why I say this? well, yesterday I had one of "those" dreams (please tell that you guys know what am talking about?). The dream was great, and I hardly ever have the chance to have one of those dreams ( I usually have weird dreams)... at some point of the dream I was laying in a bed, with *-insert anonymous girl name here-*, both naked and enjoy the pleasures of a fantastic foreplay (and dunno why but we were also having some icecream, which is not bad at all)... sigh, is there something else in life?

Anyways... I was having a great time, for real... but suddenly my father was in the dream!!! He appeared out of nowhere, and started talking nonsense while I was trting to cover my naked, sinful body from my dad... I mean, his appearance totally ruined the moment... *-insert anonymous girl name here-* and I have to get dressed (while my dad was still saying something that I couldn't understand) and the fun was over.

I mean.. what the FUCK is that!? huh?! I am so screwed up that I can't even enjoy a dream? Do I have issues?... well that's sure, but how can I get ride of this issues. And the worst part is that this "guiltiness" feeling is a constant in my life... always bothering me, a voice that at some level keeps me from enjoying the moment.

I could go on and on about this... but I'd probably ended up feeling guilty about complaining this much.. so, argh!

You get the point...

Cuteness or plain stupidity?

Even though Tuesdays and Fridays are usually terrible days because I have to be in my school 12 hours in a row, this Tuesday was great. Since I have skipped my last two photo lab classes, I had to catch up with the rest of my classmates, so I made a reservation for the dark room today and got ready to develop three films.

For the past couple of weeks I’ve willing to invite Mariel to the dark room so she could see how you get things done, so today was the perfect day to do so because I had the dark room reserved only for me. It was great having her around. She was able to see how thing were done and I was able to have someone to chat with (it really gets lonely in a dark room when you are alone, surrounded by darkness and silence). A couple of hours passed by, and the films were developed: Mariel and I skipped both our classes so we could spend some more time together. I was convinced that those few hours in the dark room were a very nice, educative experience in which we got the chance to chat… that was what I thought nonetheless.

Around 4:00 pm, Mariel and I were sitting in a bench just talking… and suddenly this came out.

Victor: “Well, now we can say that we were in the dark room together”
Mariel: “Tehee… yes..”
Victor: ^_^
Mariel: “… and nothing happened”.
Victor: “yes…”
Victor: “….”
Victor: “…. (wait)…!”
Victor:”…. (What? O_o)”

I think is redundant to say that I spent the next couple of minutes banging my head against the bench screaming: “why!? Why I didn’t think about that? Why I didn’t try to make a move!!!” The strangest part is that at some point I said:

Victor: “ARGHHH!!! I’m a dumb stupid fool… why?!”
Mariel: “Don’t say that… I think you are cute”
Victor: “… ¬_¬ yeah right”
Mariel: “^-^”
Victor: (still banging my head… and I mean it… for those who know me they KNOW that I am capable of doing so)
Mariel: “Stop that!!! I didn’t think about IT either… you just gave me a hug in there anyway”
Victor: “wait… if you would have thought about it, would you have done anything?”
Mariel: “Noup”
Victor: “so, you are not one of those girls that take the lead…”
Mariel: “Teheee… noup ^-^”
Victor: “… it’s good to know”

So Mariel is not one of those girls that take the lead… and I am not used to taking it, so unless I star to be a “player” I think that I am doomed to be forever the “cute” guy, hehehehe… what do you think?

Would you say I was CUTE or just STUPID?

There was a time...

You know, Monday's morning I always get to the same conclusion, I have to start updating my blog during the weekends or else I would like to make a large, confusing post as soon as the weekend is over.

Friday was a pretty decent day, after getting out from my Hell class (which was specially hellish because at some point it became a “complain about the teachers while the teacher complains about the students” class, which, well after a 30 minutes or so it can be really tiresome), I got home and manage to drag, yet again, my brother from the house… hehehehe, I find that really amusing ‘coz usually when I asked him what’s he gonna do on Friday night he always says “well, I have lots of works so I’ll stay home”, but as soon as I propose something he always agrees… hehehe… I think that we are both bad influences for us. Anyway.

My brother and I picked up Mariel and then headed to Pancho’s house, where we just hang, listened to some music and ordered pizza (gosh… I missed those relaxing nights with friends). Mariel, my bro and Memo got to listen MOGWAI for the first time. We listened a 17 minute piece, and I gotta tell you guys, this kind of music gets you in a really awesome mood, that sooner or later makes you start to believe that magic does exist. Nice comfy night.

Saturday… the wedding. I think that the highlight of that day was the fact that I got to see Mariel wearing a lovely white dress ^-^ And, well, also the fact that I shot like 80 pictures for my photo project (I finished the damn wings). Around 8:30 I used my “I have to get my girlfriend to her house” card, and Mariel and I ran away. I wanted to get to her house fast so we could have some time to ourselves, but the traffic was son dense that it took me one hour to get to there!!! so as soon as we arrived she had to get inside ¬-¬

Sunday… relaxing, resting day. Played some videogames, finished watching Ghost in the Shell series (you can learn more here), saw Mariel, drank coffee with Pancho… Mariel and I got back to her house… HAPPY!!!! ^-^ I know this kind of days seem boring and plain, but sometimes this relaxing days, with a great ending (such as this ending... but am gonna keep it to myself), are just what a soul needs to recharge.

Good weekend.

Countdown

Is dream that different from reality?

Is love similar to death?

Do you love me?

Are you here?

Is this…

Real?

Dreams

and feelings

make this real.

I dreamed you here,

Are you, Love, really here?

Just kissing my final breath away

Six times you call my name

As I drifted away forever

I see you crying,

Holding my hand

Closing my

Eyes.

Truth

ever denied.

Love is suicide.

And I loved you,

Until the day I died

Dreaming that you held my hand

And dying shan’t do us part

In this dream of death,

You will be inside

Always with me

Forever being

Mine.

Meet the family...

I was invited to assit to th innaguration of my mother in law "restaurant" (it is not a restaurant, it a italian food shop, it's only orders to go). The thing was supposed to star at 7:00 pm, and I arrived on time like always; however, to my surprise Mariel wasn't there yet, but it was too late for me to go back to the car or something because I was already seen by Alex (Mariel's uncle)... so I entered the place and said "hello".

My mother in law asked me to do a couple of things for her (setting up glasses, plates, serving pasta, etc...) and Mariel's uncle (Alex) and aunt (Patrizia) start making fun of me... hehehe, it was acctualy nice, I felt welcome, the center of "carilla", but welcome. What made everything even funnier was the fact that almost everyone in Mariel family talk with an italian accent and yeld like those crazy italians in the movies (sometimes reality beats fiction, this was one of those times).

Eventually Mariel showed up, looking lovely, she was wearing a black wig (sexeeeeeeee). By 8:00 pm I had almost met everybody in the family, there was only one missing... the grandpa!!!

*** Brief: Mariel and everybody in the family seems to be afraid of him. Mariel told me all this kind of crazy stories about him and his... ehem... temper. So when I was introduced to him... you can imagine where my balls where ***

So I asked Mariel: "err... are you going to introduce me to your grandpa?", and so she did my friends...

Mariel: "Grandpa, this is my boyfriend"
... everybody in the family whet silent, all eyes on me and the gradpa...
Grandpa: "Excuse me?"
Mariel: "This is Victor, my boyfriend"
... his grandpa, looked right straight into my eyes while he was shaking my eyes...
... silence, you could slice the tension with a knife...
Grandpa: "I like him"... he said and smiled.

Everybody started smiling, and so did I. I was officially aproved by THE GRANDPA.

The rest of the night flowed smoothly... great conversation with Mariel´s cousins and great food.

YOKATA!!!!!!!! I did it ^_^

This is my life...

It's funny when you sit alone in your house, in one of those kinda "extemporal" situations... when you wouldn't be surprised if you suddenly travel back into time or maybe to the future, have you ever felt like that? Have you ever felt like floating in time? Like if reality and time itself where not longer part of your world?

I felt like this in the morning... waking up alone in my house, staring at my ceiling and just thinking, going deep into myself. Laying there I suddenly remember everything that was going on in my life, I remembered my friends (the ones that stayed, the ones that went away and the ones that I know will always be with me), I remembered that Charly died but Artig arrived, I remember Gato, I remembered my family and then... I remembered Mariel.

That last thought brought me a combination of joy and fear... joy of being lucky enough to find someone like her, but afraid (and I know this sounds cliché) of getting hurt again. I've noticed lately that I've built a wall around me, and I haven't let Mariel into my heart totally... is this OK? The last girl to whom I gave my heart ditched me, and by doing so, something inside of me got harder. I've noticed that lately I don't care about other people feelings that much. I just say whatever I think without thinking of the consequences, and also other's people opinions don't affect me anymore as much as it used to.

I really can't say how much time I spent staring at the ceiling thinking about this "mess", but I was taken away from my thoughts when Gato came rushing into my room and jumped over me.
I laughed when I realized that my "big meditation" had been interrupted by my cat, and I begun to play with him...

This is my life... and I don't even take myself seriously anymore ¬_¬

The dream...

I woke up in a hotel bathroom. I don't know what I was doing there, but as soon as I got out I remembered. I am staying at this ancient hotel with my wife, but we're not in a pleasure trip. We're instead a couple of private investigators that, along side a couple of police men, are investigating a series of supernatural events that occurred in this hotel's theatre. This supernatural events seemed to be related with the dead of three "air acrobats" that used to work in a show there.

I bear in mind that I was feeling very angst because we were doing some tests in the gear that these "acrobats" used in the show, but we were using it in order to test it, the theatre and the gear (like everything else in the hotel) was very old, like taken out from a medieval castle. One of the police men got set up and started using the gear while doing some acrobats , but as soon as he got airborne he hit the ceiling getting unconscious. My wife (that at this point was a totally different woman, but still my wife), decided that she had to test the gear herself in order to really comprehend the mechanism. I remember that I was feeling way to nervous about this, but I agreed with the fact that it was necessary and let her do it. Nevertheless I wasn't able to stay there and watch, so I decided to go down to the dungeon (!?) to investigate there.

I walked out of the door of the theater, and as soon as I did this I was in a strange room, stone walls, big bright monitors, a chair and something else... I started talking to "someone" invisible in the room. He later told me that he was the ghost of one of the acrobats and the other two were already taken away by the werewolf (!?) so he was hiding here because he wanted to tell the world the real story.

He started telling the story about what really had happened, but after a few moments I heard a scream from upstairs so I stormed out of the room and started climbing the stairs of the tower (!?).

Ah, yes... I forgot, at this stage of the dream I was a woman. So I climbed all the way up the stairs, but now I was running away from someone, from the Werewolf Master (!?). I used a number of doors spread thru the tower. Doors that you could use only one because later the doors were sealed shut.

When I arrived to the higher part in the tower I realized that I was trapped, the werewolf (a long haired, blond man… albino-ish) was standing right behind me, with his arms opened as he said: “my love, stop running away, your kind will be destroyed”… when he said that I screamed and jumped out of one of the windows to the street. It was my scream the exact same one that I heard in the first place… I jumped out and as I was falling down I saw male me running upstairs.

I landed in the street, not harmed… I am vampire, a very sexy and powerful vampire (!?), but as I fall down I started to burn out because this tower in the moon (the part that is always facing the sun), so then I realized that the werewolf evil plan was to kidnap my whole kind to the moon so we couldn’t escape.

Now I am ashes in the ground, taken away by the wind (!? In the moon!?)…

PD: CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!!

Good weekend...

I acttualy had a good weekend... well, kinda good.

Friday, I went out with Mariel. We went to El Rojo Cafe... grrrrreat night, great drinks but above all: great conversation. We had the change to exchange ideas about men/women, and how we see the opposite sex. It was very fun and very educational, and I think I had the chance to get to know Mariel a little bit better.

Saturday, well, you can read it in my bro's blog, he made quite a good resume of that day (the only thing that he didn't narrate was the tragical story about the flat tire) and I want to save the space for Sunday ^_^

Sunday was a great day, it was my FIRST MONTH anniversary with Mariel… and to tell you the truth I was quite nervous, I didn’t know what to do and how to do it… but eventually the day flowed smoothly. I called her around 1 pm, and she asked me if I wanted to eat in her house with her parents, to which, of course, I refused because I don’t really feel comfortable enough right now to eat with her folks (they are quite nice, and threat me very good, but still… am just a very shy person); so I invited her to eat in a restaurant instead, to which she agreed.

We went to eat to “La Hosteria del Angel”, a place that I love not only because of the delicious food but also because of the cheap prices (an average of 100 pesos per person, and we are talking of eating good and enough). And the we went to the MAZ museum, which I liked a lot not only because of the great exhibition but also because of the fact that she is into those kind of activities and she is not one of those girls that said “yikes… museums =P” Around 7 pm we went to her house to spent some time together and do some homework (she had to do a self-portrait mosaic and I’m working on the wings that I am using for my photo project).

We talk a lot, laugh a lot… ehem… kiss a lot (I think that I’m beginning to get over the whole “she is underage” issue and starting to enjoy the kissing sessions without feeling like a pedophilic monster), but still, much to my amazement… we haven’t surpass first base, it is just very difficult to go beyond the boundaries of first base… in all my previous relationships the girl was the one with the initiative, and I think that this time I will have to be the one to “lead”… hehehe… am very nervous about that, I mean, how do you know when is the right moment?

Anyway, the night ended in a very cute manner… I gave her a present at the end of the night and asked her not to open it until I was left (the present consisted in a hand-made-origami-paper-box, filled with origami-paper-stars, and I poem written inside a photo film). I really put effort in this present, and I think she enjoyed it a lot because when I arrived home she called me to thank me!!! ^-^ She was fascinated and surprised by the fact that I gave her a present (she told me that she didn’t expect me to give her anything).

That night I went to sleep very relaxed and happy… and I had a terrific dream, I will post the story later… it was one of the best dreams that I’ve ever had, crazy dream that would made a good anime-sort-of-thing.

C’ya, TAKE CARE! ^-^

%$&!"@!!!!!!!!!!!

It’s no FUCKING fair… why does this shit keep happening to me!? Today, as my brother and I were on our way back home I drove into a dammed hole in the street and the tire was ruined. If this little details are planned, or fate does exist, of God… or whatever, and this shit is supposed to happen… well, that this the single most fucked up thing ever.

My dad, as always, started bitching about money and the tremendous amount of cash that he will have to spend in order to fix that (around 1500 pesos), proud as I am, I immediately told him that I will pay for it, and I really men it… but what it driving me crazy and very, VERY sad, is that those 1500 pesos that I will have to spent are my savings from months! The money that I managed to save from the last few months (including my birthday money)... I know that probably, for most of you guys, 1500 pesos isn’t that much, but believe me… after the tremendous amount of spending that I faced this last summer, and the hardship of saving when all you get as an allowance is 200 pesos… well, believe… that money, for me, is a lot.

I had plans for that money… I wanted to save it and leave it for emergencies, or maybe leave it so I could spend it with Mariel, or buying something for me, a cell phone, clothes… anything… BUT NOT A FUCKING TIRE.

What I hate the most is that my dad (and mom also) always bitches about money… always, even when he gives me a present it’s not that weird to hear him complain about the money that he spent in my present… and things like that. And, I know it as a fact, that we are not in a very good economical situation in the house, but it really pisses me off to have to pay for a tire when, for example, we have to spent (as a family) around 300 pesos per week (extras) in food because my mom is too lazy to cook something, or even defrost it. I don’t know… I feel like crying… I know that it is only money, and what hurts the most is not loosing money, but the fact that all the plans that I have made for it have faded away. 1500 pesos, not a lot of money, but they meant a lot of plans… who knows? Maybe, at some level, I also felt that it was 1500 pesos more to buy my plane ticket to travel somewhere…

I don’t what is the saddest part… if loosing the money, or the fact that it meant that much for me.

FUCK THIS…

My happy place...

You know how we all have a happy place? Yesterday as I was watching the debate Bush vs. Kerry, I had a horrible vision of my happy place being destroyed and invaded by another country, and I not only felt sad because of loosing this place, but also impotent as I saw a beautiful part of MY world being destroyed while I couldn't do anything about it.

I think that is why I am worried about the outcome of the next elections in USA… I mean, I have never like USA, and in fact there is only a few Americans I respect, and in my opinion, the rest of them are blind folded citizens that refuse to see the truth, because the truth is not glamorous… it is not nice to acknowledge that you are killing innocent people, destroying homes and lives in account of OIL, not freedom. As Kerry said in the debate “what message are you sending to the world when you let Osama Bin Laden go away while you attack an innocent Iraq? What message are you giving to the world when the OIL facilities in Iraq are best guarded by the militia than the NUCLEAR facilities?

I would be an hypocrite if I said that I DO care a lot the world and Iraq… I mean, if I did care I would be there helping out people or kicking Bush in the nuts… but I am not. I care about MY world, my family and friends, I care about what may be brought upon the world if Bush get reelected… I care about my happy place.

WE CAN’T change the world… really, WE CAN’T… but we can change ourselves, I can change myself… and that is what I plan to do, nothing ambitious… change myself in order to contribute to the world by subtracting an asshole from it and trying to add a decent human being.
Life is good as long as you are good with life. It’s as simple as that, live well and life itself will threat you well… that is, as for today, my only concern.