This is my life...
It's funny when you sit alone in your house, in one of those kinda "extemporal" situations... when you wouldn't be surprised if you suddenly travel back into time or maybe to the future, have you ever felt like that? Have you ever felt like floating in time? Like if reality and time itself where not longer part of your world?
I felt like this in the morning... waking up alone in my house, staring at my ceiling and just thinking, going deep into myself. Laying there I suddenly remember everything that was going on in my life, I remembered my friends (the ones that stayed, the ones that went away and the ones that I know will always be with me), I remembered that Charly died but Artig arrived, I remember Gato, I remembered my family and then... I remembered Mariel.
That last thought brought me a combination of joy and fear... joy of being lucky enough to find someone like her, but afraid (and I know this sounds cliché) of getting hurt again. I've noticed lately that I've built a wall around me, and I haven't let Mariel into my heart totally... is this OK? The last girl to whom I gave my heart ditched me, and by doing so, something inside of me got harder. I've noticed that lately I don't care about other people feelings that much. I just say whatever I think without thinking of the consequences, and also other's people opinions don't affect me anymore as much as it used to.
I really can't say how much time I spent staring at the ceiling thinking about this "mess", but I was taken away from my thoughts when Gato came rushing into my room and jumped over me.
I laughed when I realized that my "big meditation" had been interrupted by my cat, and I begun to play with him...
This is my life... and I don't even take myself seriously anymore ¬_¬
I felt like this in the morning... waking up alone in my house, staring at my ceiling and just thinking, going deep into myself. Laying there I suddenly remember everything that was going on in my life, I remembered my friends (the ones that stayed, the ones that went away and the ones that I know will always be with me), I remembered that Charly died but Artig arrived, I remember Gato, I remembered my family and then... I remembered Mariel.
That last thought brought me a combination of joy and fear... joy of being lucky enough to find someone like her, but afraid (and I know this sounds cliché) of getting hurt again. I've noticed lately that I've built a wall around me, and I haven't let Mariel into my heart totally... is this OK? The last girl to whom I gave my heart ditched me, and by doing so, something inside of me got harder. I've noticed that lately I don't care about other people feelings that much. I just say whatever I think without thinking of the consequences, and also other's people opinions don't affect me anymore as much as it used to.
I really can't say how much time I spent staring at the ceiling thinking about this "mess", but I was taken away from my thoughts when Gato came rushing into my room and jumped over me.
I laughed when I realized that my "big meditation" had been interrupted by my cat, and I begun to play with him...
This is my life... and I don't even take myself seriously anymore ¬_¬
2 Comments:
At 1:09 PM,
hector said…
Not taking your self too seriously is always good, as so is stop feeling responsible for everybody's feelings, because you are not. Still you have to realize the power that words have, and how you could harm someone, or brigthen their day. Don't be self-conscious all the time, but don't become self centered either, there are others around and your prescence affects them in whichever way you chose.
It is a cliché too the phrase that "in order to truly love, you have to do it as if you've never been hurt". Love becomes more cinical and less magical ass you "practice it", but you have to open up in order to really make it happen.
By "avoiding" to get hurt you may be missing the time of your life, and hurting others too.
Whatever... I'm Becker and your brother so you won't listen.... he he he... :-P
At 8:07 PM,
Shadow Walker said…
"Love's an excuse to get hurt and to hurt..."
Wonder if you've ever heard this.. I've told you before, it's sure that you'll get hurt this time too, have no doubt about it
But that's what makes love so wonderful.. altough you get hurt, it's worth it.. wouldn't it be kinda stupid that after all this centuries love have kept as the "superior feeling" if it was that bad as just suffering?
And that about other's feelings.. it is true that you can't be just thinking in other's feelings, but it is good that you do sometimes.. that's what empathy is for, to help you know when you're doing something that may hurt others..
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