Those were the days...

Jijos... read my bro's blog.

...

It is really a great experience to see and "Ensamble" from the students at your University. It's shocking in many ways. From one side you feel proud of your school and the quality of it's shows, but sadly there is always the side that yells: "see, you useless scumb, there is no glory in what you are doing, there is no glory in having good grades... the glory is up there, with the singers and the dancers. The light's on them. The joke's on you"

But... is it true?

Do we have to be in the spotlight to have some glory in our life? Do we have to receive the applause of hundreds of people to feel good about ourselves? I sometimes feel that we have. That there is no glory in writing for myself, there is no glory in what I do.

But... is it true?

My bro is facing quite a crisis... I think. Maybe is something that happens to older guys. Maybe five years from today I'll be feeling the same.. Is it that bad to live in a constant dream? Reality is not always good, and dreaming... well, dreaming is always good. No.

No, there is nothing wrong with dreaming... we dreamers are the shapers of this world, some way or another we are. But the difficult part is stop being a dreamer, by choosing a dream and following it to its outmost consequences, and become a doer.

Bah... rants, rants, rants.

Alfa's welcomu partyrururu

Well, after a whole week of waiting I had the opportunity to experience "Alfa's welcomu partyruru". I had it all planned. I was going to have a great time. Diana and Mariel would join us for a while, but after leaving them home we would really REALLY party. Have tons of nice chats, celebrate Toma's birthday and stay up until 5 or 6 am. Ha ha.

The party was... hmmmm... lame. The flat was filled with a lot of unknown people. Friends of the roomie Memo, and they were not our kinda people. Almost nobody is our kind of people. So we sat down and "talk". I wrote "talk" with the "" on purpose 'coz I felt really left out of the conversation. I dunno if it is something that happens or it just something that happened today, or if it is something that happens to me... who knows?

The thing is that during the whole night Mariel and I really tried to catch up with everybody's chat, but somehow I felt left tout... Mariel is a really shy, introverted girl, and sometimes it really doesn't seems that she is "inside" a conversation, but when she sits there, with her eyes open, looking at you and smiling/laughing/blushing she really IS into the chat. And I, well you know me, I am way too loud.

Blanco, Hector and Tomas were talking to each other all night... using "code" talking, even talking in Japanese and a bunch of things that knocked out of the play. Even at the end of the night, after I gave Mariel a ride home and came back to have talk, I was left out.... they were already talking about something, and when I tried to get into the chat they practically ignored me... for real... I had to ask them a couple of times until they told me what they were talking about, and when the finally told me they just turn around and kept talking… bastards.

Now, just for leaving things clear: Mariel and I were not cuddling nor kissing. I had, sometimes, my arm around her shoulders... I was just sitting next to her or even on the floor!!! So the whole "Victor and Mariel were having their own time" excuse does not apply here.

Something else that might explain it but will really suck if that was the case is that my brother and Blanco tend to have… funny/disgusting talks… constantly talking about genitals, boobs, semen and all that stuff. Obviously Mariel blushes and really doesn’t know how to react… she is a girl and she is 17… so I do understand her. I dunno if that might be the case, and ‘coz of Mariel’s and my reaction (I tend to cover her ears as I joke or yell at my brother “please stop”) they acted like they did.

But as my friends I would expect them to try harder to make things smoother and easier for her… I remember that when Diana was starting to see Erick we would cut down the nasty jokes. And when my brother was dating Abby (for example) he would ask me to behave myself… to control my bad language and the nasty jokes… and you know what? I did it and I did it ‘coz of my brother and ‘coz of Erick.

If my brother and Blanco take the “That’s the way we are” attitude… well, that is sad. Mariel tell me that she is not uncomfortable with the jokes, and she blushes ‘coz she wants to laugh but is too embarrassed to do it. I am not asking them to go easy on the jokes ‘coz of her, but ‘coz of me.

There are some jokes that are really disgusting and sometimes demeaning to women, and I am not comfortable with them saying those kinda things in front of her. I mean, is it so hard to do “normal” jokes for a couple of hours once in a while? I am not saying to cut the “red” jokes. Not at all. I am asking to please keep them tolerable, inside the “not too freaky” level, the “not too graphic level, please leave something to the imagination” level.

Now... maybe I am sentimental... but I really feel sad when I think that maybe my friends doesn't like Mariel... or they are not comfortable around her, and because of that I will never be able to have a nice time with my friends if she is around!!!! That is just sad.

I have my theories... maybe it has something to do with my brother or Blanco... 'coz last time I took Mariel with me and my friends (Pancho, Mariaiaia, Oliver and Ireri) things worked out just great. Today... it simply didn't work.

Mariel does like my friends and my brother!!! I know that for a fact! She is just a quiet person, or al least she is when surrounded by a lot of people. And I do understand her... the same thing happens to me when I am with her friends... but they don't just simply cut us out!!! They keep talking to us.

Bah... I don't know... I feel frustrated and irritated... most of the night sucked. I spent like a billion dollars in beers that I wasn't able to drink. Good quality beer. Sigh.

I wanted to have a good time. I wanted to have a good chat with Blanco. I wanted a sleep over... but none of them happened.

... L o t s e ...

Well, with this girl I really don't know where to start. You'll probably need a short explanation about who she is, so here it goes.

Lotse is an e-friend of mine. She is a 19 years old girl from Valencia, España. Her real name is Lorena and that is pretty much all I know about her. Well, at least the important facts, I know about of useful things that you usually learn from e-friends. Things too stupid or too personal to write about.

Anyways... I meet her like three years ago in a chatroom, and the first thing she said to me was "Would you like to buy some agoraphobic puppies". That is how we start talking, I really found her very interesting and funny, so we keep e-mailing each other and having scarce MSN talks.

After a couple of e-mails and msn chats she disappeared. And then she reappeared explaining that she had just gone thru some "shitty moments" (she explain me all that shit... and well, they were shitty indeed). We started talking again... this time we exchanged pics and took our chats to deeper levels. We even got to the stage were we used to share our problems, and we began to think about one and other as friends. I saw her as a friend.

Then, after a couple of months... she disappeared again O.o

This time she was really gone for a long time... like for one year and a half. I even got worried about her... 'coz she was going thru some difficult moments... and I really thought that she might have done something stupid. Like eating a whole bag of fat or even worse!!! commit suicide!

Time passed by and I began to forget about her... until last tuesday when I met her again in MSN... out of the blue!!!

She told me that this time her CPU had collapsed and it took her a while until she got a new one. That she had dropped out of college (she was studying Arts) and she was taking the year off.

We have had a couple of nice chats since last Tuesday... and I tell you.. is sooooo very refreshing to have a friend such as her!!! I mean, we stop talking for almost two years, and when we finally met things are cool and relaxed.

I think that I can really count her as a friend... and also I really think I know her very well. She might disappear for two more years... and heck! Now i know that life will be able to get us back together sooner or later.

Lotse... Lorena...

She is another aspect of my life that is worth telling you... ^-^

And the story goes on...

After a couple of boring days and strange mixed up feeling I finnally got the chance to clear my mind and focus on school. Yeah, school would help me. Or at least I thought that.

School is a hideos bitch ready to slap in the face and destroy what little life you have left. It is true... the first day of classes you see the faces full with excitment, with happiness and expectation. Days goes by. Homeworks are scheduled. And the smiles starts to fade little by little. Maybe that is not always the case... but believe when you have to take classes from 7pm to 10pm suddenly smiling seems pointless.

But this is how it is... damn... this semester is going to be really tiresome, and I've already had to drop my photo class. I had no time to take the pictures properly, and the whole class looses its purspose when you can't dedicate the time it deserves. I mean, I wont spent 70 pesos per film to take crappy pictures, and besides, photo IV is like a really BIG deal. The students of this class are suppose to show off, to say "look world, this is what a student of level IV can do", and I couldn't really do a really big project. So.

So I withdrew. Shit happens... maybe next semester I'll keep it up. I was near to tears when I spoke with Mayra (the teacher) and explained to her that I wasn't able to keep it up. Escuela estupida!

I also want to continue with French classes... and I will, but maybe next semester... classes have already begun this semester and I would start classes with a whole week of abscesnces. What I want to do is study on my own and start next semester from lever 3 o maybe 4 if lucky. I remember a time when I was able to have a conversation in french... now I've forgotten most of it.

I want... I want... hell... I wish I wont spent my life saying "I want"... hehehehe... I've to start getting things done.

Anyway....

Alfa, aka Erick, stayed in my house for a couple of weeks and it was really fun. It was like a two-week long anime fest, and when he left the house felt more silent and calm (I dunno if that is good or bad hehehehe).

Things with Mariel are great... really great ^-^ We have alredy being together for four months and we haven't get down from the clouds... and I really hope things keep going that way.

Well that is pretty much it... there are a couple of things I wanna write about... but i'll do it in a different post.

TAKE CARE!!!

The purpose of this...

The purpose of this...

Yesterday morning I was reading my blog. I was just picking random post and reading them, and it was really great to re-live all those moments: sad moments, good times, happy moments, angry moments... all of them. Each moment made me smile, each moment meant something for me. Something special and worthy of remembering them.

Well... that is kinda the purpose of this. To have a record of my life, and I think that at some point of this whole "blog project" I got off track, and start writing less about my life and more about other stuff. I mean, don't get me wrong, that "other stuff" is also cool, but there is nothing like being able to re-live something that you had almost forgotten. I think that I started writing less about the fact 'coz I thought there was no point in doing so... I believed that this blog was a medium for other people to read about my life, and almost all of my readers are my friends, so I stop writing about the facts. "What's the point? They were there,"? I thought. Not anymore mates. This blog is going to be what it used to be. A "time capsule" of some sort.

So a brief, yet true, recall of my life this past few weeks are ahead:

Well, holidays were kinda lame... I really didn't got the opportunity to spent time with Mariel nor with my friends, so I got bored. There were a few nice weekends and days. A couple of anime fest, and the visit of Oliver. It really wasn't that bad after all. It's funny how things, once you see it from outside, and start remembering don't sound bad at all. So, yes, the "holidays" were kinda blame (X'mas and New Year), but the rest of the time was goooood.

Lots of things happened. I met David. Oliver pay us a visit from the capital. Strange things happened in my life, or better said, in the life of people around me. Hector really fell for Mishka (the so far 7 feet tall shemale), and a couple of weird events that maybe someday will be written in this blog. BAH! Not maybe... I give it week before I write about it. I've been dying to write about that for almost a month!!!! DAMN SECRECY!!!

Now, the fact that my brother has fallen for Mishka brought some troubles with it. Let me explain you something about my brother.... he looses like 50% of his brain when he is in love, and the rest 50% is focused in the person he loves. So, ever since the amount of "good chats" with him have became close to zero... maybe 'coz of the fact that he uses most of his time talking about/with Mishka. Now, I am not complaining... I did the same with Mariel, and I have my blog to prove it. Women makes us moronic and that is part of the charm.

Those "problems" that came along with my "bro's falling" were really nuisances... things like I got angry with him 'coz he constantly interrupted breakfast/meals/dinners/walks/parties to talk to her... but I got over it. I know is just a phase, and someday one of this things will happen:

1. My brother will realize that Mishka is a shemale and things... well, are going to get strange.

2. Mishka will meet my bro, and then me... after that, she will realize that she picked the wrong Padilla and abandon my brother for me, but I, as a noble brother, will reject her.

3. They will meet and everything thing will be cover with honey and love, and kisses and sex (no longer phone sex, but real sex).

I really really really hope that it is not option 1, and chances are that Mishka will not fall for me (she might have a crappy taste)... so OPTION THREE IT IS!!! And when they enter into this phase of relationship they will no longer have the need of confirm they feelings aver constants and endless phone calls... maybe the endless phone calls will continue, but so constantly.

So Mishka entering my life as a pseudo-platonic-sister in law is also something worth of writing.

Tomorrow I'll keep writing more, I don't want to make it a never ending post.

This dream of mine...

I open my eyes
and find myself crying
awaken from a dream
that I already miss.

A tender voice is calling
whispering my name
from a long distance
far inside a dream

I hate the light
and the image it brings
it burns my eyes
'coz is not a dream

But in each tear
a memory fades
so I mustn't cry
To keep it inside

T h i s d r e a m o f m i n e . . .

I can't go with you...

And the dream starts like this:

I am standing in a wooden platform. A few friends of mine are with me. We are all survivors of a Tsunami and we barely made it. There is destroyed buildings all around us, a few trees standing and some corpses laying around. The wooden platform that we are in is starting to fall apart, and if we want to survive we have to get out of there fast. So we jump as fast as we can, and as high as we can in order to land in a semi-destroyed hotel.

This hotel looks more like an "Hacienda" than anything. Stone walls all across large and wide hallways, and the quantity of wood used in the construction is minimal (I wonder if there is some kind of explanation for all of this). As soon as we set foot in the hotel we know that there a few survivors inside, and we have to get them out of there fast before the whole construction falls apart.

We look for the desperately and after a half and hour we have find three of them, which we have help and then bring with us. Bu the time is running and somehow we are now sure that there are al least four survivors left. The walls are starting to crack and we feel the gentle but constant tremble of the floor. What to do?

We begin to look for them everywhere. Inside the rooms, the closets, bathrooms... everywhere. And finally we found someone in the library. When we entered the library we saw that it was empty and the probability of finding someone was minimal, but something told me to look beneath one of the desks. I did it and I found someone all right.

I found a little girl, around 8 or 10 years all, black hair, tanned skin and blue dress. But something was wrong with this girl... she was scared of something and she seem somehow... death. When I talked to her I realized that she was already dead. There was nothing we could do about it. She was cold, shivering and nothing I could do would help.

I felt insanely sad for this girl. I hug her. I cried. I wanted to free her from all her suffering. I wanted her to be happy. I wanted to stop all her suffering. After a few moments the girl asked me what we were doing and I explained everything to her... that we were her trying to help the few survivors left, but time was almost over and we would probably never make it. She offer us her help... she was somehow connected with the hotel and she could sense things, she could tell us where were the last survivors.

We found them really fast... and while we were helping then I remember that I held her hand. I fell in love with that girl and I didn't wanted to let go. I remember saving a woman in a black dress and a really old woman. The rest I really don't remember.

As soon as we found the last survivor we all ran for the exit. The building was falling apart and we had to get out of there really fast.

The little girl and I were the last ones in the line. Everybody have already escape and only the two of us were left... and we were almost there... almost. But.

But when we reached the exit the little girl suddenly stopped. Her strength was unbelievable, I couldn't manage to make her move. we were almost there. Almost. And suddenly she let go of my hand and pushed me outside saying: "I can't go with you.... I belong to this place" And as she was entering the hotel and I was falling to the ground below, the building collapsed and the girl was gone with the hotel.

......

I love this kinda dreams... just love them. I wonder if there is some kind of explanation for all of this.

I wonder.

Ready, set...

GO!!!

Well, my first week as a sixth semester student has begun, and quite frankly is almost gone. This semester begins with a promise to be quite different from the rest. Different as in a little better but a little worst. It all depends how you wanna look at it.

If everything works out for the best I'll be facing a part time job in the campus, as someone's bitch. Better said: as everyone's bitch. Mornings are all dead to me. My earliest class starts at 1:00 pm, so I have mornings off. Not for long ¬_¬. Basing in what my dad and other "señorones" have said to me I believe that I'll be some kinda secretary for the IDE (Instituto de Desarrollo Empresarial)... but heck! let's face it: a male secretary? HA HA! You may as well call me bitch as whip me!

Anyway... leaving S&M fantasies aside... my schedule this semester is very VERY sucky! Mondays, Tuesdays and Wednesdays I'll be leaving the school at night, from 7 pm to 10 pm... yikes... badtimes are coming! HOW DO THE TEACHERS EXPECT ME TO THE HOMEWORKS!
For the love of God.

Things with my brother were a little tense this week, but it seems to be getting better. I kinda snap at the sight of him locked inside of the bathroom talking with the - girl- who - must - not - be - named... hehehe... just kidding, talking with Mishka. This sole fact is very freaky for me, but what made me a little bit more edgy was that we (pancho, olive, blanco, etc...) have to stop playing RPG 'coz we were waiting for my brother. Who was supposedly taking a dump. So.

So I kinda got angry. Ha Ha. Don't get me wrong. I have nothing against pseudo-platonic relationships such as this, in fact I think is romantic and all (although the risk of falling in love with a shemale/trans is high). But I believe I used the word "enfermizo" (sick) to describe the whole "locking in a bathroom to talk to her"... argh... dunno... I just hope I'll be able to control myself in further situations such as this. But believe me y'all. I am only trying to help, honest.

My week so far... I'll try and post something else later. C'ya and take care.

...Sueños y sombras...

Soñé un sueño de ti
estabas ahí
ese sueño eras tú
sueño un sueño contigo

Recuerdo que no somos nada
sólo sombras
dibujadas y alargadas
proyectando nuestra vida

nuestras manos se entrelazan
pierden forma, ganan alas
vuelan libres por los cielos
vuelan libres en ese sueño

Me rindo ante la gracia
sentirme cerca
unidos por nuestra sombra
elevados por lo sueños

olvido todo y me concentro
en el sueño, en nuestras manos
en el vuelo
en tu sombra

Sueño un sueño de ti,
sí
ansío dejar atrás el sueño
y despertar contigo

Sueño un sueño contigo
donde soñar no es necesario
no más nombras
sólo tú

Sueño un sueño
donde mis ojos se abren
te encuentran
y vamos juntos de la mano

Dejamos los sueños
en la noche
y vivimos siempre juntos
de la mano

Finally.

Things are feeling a little better now. It is not like as if things are going well, but I think that my last post really help me out. That and the great GREAT day that I had yerterday.

Yesterday was Erick-sama first aniversary with her girlfriend Diana, and my brother and I, nosy and good-intendet as we are, managed to give Erick a hand and surprise Diana a little bit.

Erick supposesly told Diana that they were not going to be able to meet yesterday 'coz of work and lack of transportation, and Diana understood and agreed to celebrate on the weekend (God, that woman is a Saint! I know girls that could have kill a guy for that). But life... better yet, Hector and I manage to make things happen for those lovebirds.

Erick bought a heart-shaped pizza, a “be mine” baloon and a stuffed cow (like in the cute ones, not the ones that comes from taxidermists). Then we drive to Diana's, Erick hid inside and started getting the surprise dinner ready, and as soon as Diana arrived, my brother and I blind-folded her, put her in the car and drive her around. SHE WAS SO VERY NERVOUS!!!

We drove around for 10 mins, then we took her back to her house (pretending to be in the forest)... he he. We made her walk through a construction site, up an down the grass, jump imaginary ponds and then into her house. We left her standing there waiting for “someone” (that at this point, well, you can figure out who that someone was). As my brother and I walk away we heard Diana screaming “EEEEEERIIIICK!” and we both smiled.

We decided right there and then that we were to become the CUPID-DUO and... bla.. hehehe. We just smiled a lot.

Later that night Erick, my brother and I have I GRRRRREAT chat, but that deserves a post of its own.

It is nice to have a problem free day... not only ´coz I realized that things are not as shitty as in my last post but also ´coz the “bitter me” leaves the stage.

PD: Now, lots of grammar and spelling errors.... sorry about that.

...

In other news... CONGRATS MISHKA AND HECTOR!!!! I love being right about good things.... ^-^

... This is h a r d c o r e ...

Well, am pretty pissed rigth now, confused, and angry. So this post may not have a perfect grammar nor a good spelling, so for those who seem to just care about that stuff, you may as well stop reading now (you know who you are... so stop... now)

For those who decided to cope with me, thank you. Second request. This may not be a pretty post. Infact I (might/will) insult a couple of my usual readers, so if I do so... please don't hate me. Final request. Help me.

Suddenly I feel old and tired. Maybe a little bit more of the second one than the first. I'd like to feel more the first though. I feel tired of how thing are working out for me these past few days. Better yet. Tired of how things haven't work out for me these past few days. I'd love to write about all the good times that I've had recently, but I just can't, and not because of the lack of good times but 'coz of the aggressively, almost comical, amount of bad times.

There is no point in giving you a long, tiresome list about my bad times. And I won’t do it because it is long, but ‘coz is not of you damn business. Please, don’t misunderstand me. It is juts that… well… I don’t want people pitying me, or even worst using my blog as a source of material for “carrilla”. That is not what this is intended for. This is not a reality show… this is my life and I am in a very shitty spot right now.

I feel bitter and jealous, and frankly I don’t know what is worst. And this bitterness doesn’t come as an immediate consequence of the jealousy. I feel bitter ‘coz am not happy right now, and I feel like I am doing nothing to be happy. I feel bitter ‘coz I know am too young to be worrying about life right now, but I do and that is not letting me enjoy life now (and please save your corny “don’t look forward, enjoy the moment” advices). I feel jealous ‘coz I feel life is unjust, but in the end I know that life simply is, and my perception about that it is what’s shitty not the it… (do you follow me?) Me knowing that makes me feel even worse… it is my fault after all.

I AM TOO YOUNG FOR THIS SHIT!!! Heck, my brother is 25!!! He is the one that should be worrying about life!!! I am a 20 years old student, whose only worries should be what to drink, what to eat, which records/games to buy on how to get laid. BUT HELL NO!!! It is as if there is a law (a natural law) that determines that if someone in the family faces adulthood, then everybody should!!!

And please bro, believe me, this is not against you. I love you and you know it.

To all those smart asses that kept reading this post after my three requests and still plan to use this as 1) jerking off material, 2) jokes material, 3) whatnot… please save it. I don’t want to know.

Now, after this middle “fuck off wankers” warning, I think that I can continue with my rambling.

Justice is a word… a concept. Like blue and yellow. We hear about it, we know that it exist somewhere and somewhen, but we can never really have it. Life and justice just doesn’t get along. And when my parents have being treating like shit ‘coz they are angry about something Kike said… well, that is not good. Really, there is nothing that terrifies me most that, one day, I might make another human being feel this way. I think I will put my balls in the microwave or something.

“Todos coludos o todos rabones” is a Salomonic kinda saying… and it’s one of those phrases that have haunt me everywhere (school, friends, home) and also the most moronic, untrue phrase in the world. I you were to look for that “phrase” in my dictionary (yes that’s right remaining smart asses, my fucking “phrase” dictionary, do you have a problem with that?!)… my dictionary will slap you in the face as a warning to forget that phrase and never pass it to future generations.

I feel bitter, childish and stupid.

But somehow… I feel better by writing all this stuff, these stuff?

It’s funny to think that this all started ‘coz I wasn’t able to play some RPG with my friends ‘coz my parents didn’t find it appropriate for me to spent time with my ex when I have Mariel… and somehow, I feel that Mariel feels the same. Ergo, she is uncomfortable with me spending time with Ireri if she (Mariel) is not around. I don’t blame her… I’d probably react the same way. I want to be with my friends. I don’t want to make Mariel uncomfortable, but somehow these two things suddenly seem like water and oil.

The saddest part is that there is none to blame. This is how things are. No heart feelings mother life! (bitch!). Mariel has the right to feel uncomfortable, Ireri has the right to hang out with her friends, I have the right to want to hang out with my friends and be with Mariel… he he… funny isn’t it (not!).

What to do? what to do? I can’t just ignore Mariel’s feelings ’coz I love her. And the fact that Mariel loves me back doesn’t commit her to “give me space” and let me hang with my ex. If you love someone you have the right to feel jealous and territorial… and believe me when I say:

Please don’t say “if she loves you then she will let you be, if she loves and trusts and___________ (insert corny clichés) she will let you play RPG with your ex” Well… as far I know, none of the people around me have had a good, healthy, long-term relationship… so we should have learnt by now that these advices doesn’t really work. Someone took them from a sixteenth century book and fuck the world up with them. Love has no rules. HA!

AND THIS NOT ABOUT A FUCKING RPG GAME!!!! This about me wanting to see Oliver… this is about me feeling 10 years older that I am and this is about me, me, me and me! ME as the victim, ME as the source of the problem, ME as the judge, ME as the responsible and ME as… well, me.

“I want to fly away… leave all this to yesterday” WELL FUCK YOU NICHOLE KIDMAN!!! We can’t fly away… we can either bitch about life or jus live it… I, as the loser, bitter, old man that I am… have chosen to bitch. Maybe later I’ll fix things up. Maybe tomorrow I will find a very obvious and simple answer for all of this… but you want me to live in the present, eh? Well… I am, presently, on the verge of neurotic breakdown and on the verge of tears… YES I FUCKING USED THE SAME WORD TWICE IN THE SAME SENTECE!!!! Sue me you damn Hemmingway.

Now some people may believe that I am a stupid asshole, mandilon and whatnot… and they are probably right, but that is not the point.

My brother did provided me with a very good advice, but sadly I feel that it might don’t work, ‘coz my friends aren’t good at keeping secrets and it wont work that way. In the end, little by little everything leaks… there are no secrets between us… which are good, but sometimes those secrets buy us time that we need.

I am not bitching about my friends… but lets face it guys… eventually everything surfaces.

I need to find my true self… but I am, really, (as in making emphasis in the really) afraid that he would be as bitter and sad as I feel now.

My head hurts and this is going nowhere… so good by and thank you… listening?

PD: by the way… long post, beware. Blah!

A word that starts with an "S" and ends in "UCKS"

This sucks... these past few day have sucked in general, boring, conflict full days... days in which not even 8 hours of anime, the broad band, and Mariel's arrival seem to get me into a better mood.

Don't get me wrong, good things had happened, in fact lately I have been having very strange, write worth dreams... but everything seems to be shadowed by bad times.

I guess everything will be OK in the end... that is how things work.

Maybe someday I'll laugh at all of this... or maybe someday I'll remember these days as the breaking point in my life... hehehehe.. who knows?