if I should die in this very moment...
Sadly, the tittle of this post frightens me because I don't think I could say: "If I should die in this very moment I'll die happy"... I really don't. It is not like am unhappy or miserable, but my life rigth now is not a life that I'd be happy leaving behind... I have to do some arrangements... I choose to do some arrangements.
Yesterday was a neat day and it was finished in the best way I can think of... I woke up in the morning very bored and that mood continued until the meal. After eating my bro and I went to have a meeting with the guys from karaokulta, and I had a really great time, we've got the chance to talk about the project, play videogames (grrrreat!!!) , eat cookies (one of the highlights of the evening) and watch SHREK 2 (I bent on laughter with this).
When we got home I sat and watch LOST IN TRANSLACTION again... mam, that movie is just so cute and amazing... I mean, I can't avoid feeling that strange little acke in your heart that it's felt when you see something really beautiful. So I went to bed with tha feeling.
Today I woke up with that frase in mind: "If I should die in this very moment..." And I comprehend that I want to have a beautiful moment like the one in Lost in Translaction.. I want to experienced pure loving friendship... I want to be able to smile after a kiss again... and I don't want to die unless I have that again.
And I want.. and I want... and I want... and I WILL!!!
It is not about what I want... it is about what am willing to do for that wich I desire.
I'll start simple... how about with a smile?
PS: Today, sunday, Ireri is supposed to get back from wherever she is... I sent her an e-mail a few days back and she hasn't written back. Maybe, just maybe, she'll write back today... dunno. All of this it's tormenting , it is hard when you realize that the love of your life is not longer with you... it is tough when you feel lonely and nobody can fill that whole, not even I can. It is harsh when I hear the words but I can't connect them with feelings. It is horrible when you realize that almost verything remids you of her and you want to get away from everything... everyone.
And it is awful when I feel used by people... I wont get into details right now... maybe some other day. But believe me, feeling used is one of the worst things you could ever feel, 'coz it not only makes you feel anger it also breaks your heart. My heart is way too broken already.
Yesterday was a neat day and it was finished in the best way I can think of... I woke up in the morning very bored and that mood continued until the meal. After eating my bro and I went to have a meeting with the guys from karaokulta, and I had a really great time, we've got the chance to talk about the project, play videogames (grrrreat!!!) , eat cookies (one of the highlights of the evening) and watch SHREK 2 (I bent on laughter with this).
When we got home I sat and watch LOST IN TRANSLACTION again... mam, that movie is just so cute and amazing... I mean, I can't avoid feeling that strange little acke in your heart that it's felt when you see something really beautiful. So I went to bed with tha feeling.
Today I woke up with that frase in mind: "If I should die in this very moment..." And I comprehend that I want to have a beautiful moment like the one in Lost in Translaction.. I want to experienced pure loving friendship... I want to be able to smile after a kiss again... and I don't want to die unless I have that again.
And I want.. and I want... and I want... and I WILL!!!
It is not about what I want... it is about what am willing to do for that wich I desire.
I'll start simple... how about with a smile?
PS: Today, sunday, Ireri is supposed to get back from wherever she is... I sent her an e-mail a few days back and she hasn't written back. Maybe, just maybe, she'll write back today... dunno. All of this it's tormenting , it is hard when you realize that the love of your life is not longer with you... it is tough when you feel lonely and nobody can fill that whole, not even I can. It is harsh when I hear the words but I can't connect them with feelings. It is horrible when you realize that almost verything remids you of her and you want to get away from everything... everyone.
And it is awful when I feel used by people... I wont get into details right now... maybe some other day. But believe me, feeling used is one of the worst things you could ever feel, 'coz it not only makes you feel anger it also breaks your heart. My heart is way too broken already.
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