Where am I?

Suddenly you woke up in your room, the light's slowly crawling in your body. Warming up your whole body, 'till it reaches your eyelids and you have no choice but to open your eyes... and right then, in that waking moment, you ask yourself "where am I"?

This question goes deeper than just my location. It's not the kinda question you ask yourself after drinking too much or getting high... it's not as in surprise. No. Where am I in my life? And more important, am I where I want to be right now?

I am full fledged man now. My 21st birthday is closing in and I still feel like a child. I have all this thoughts, fears, dreams, plans... but nothing more. Where am I? I am living my 20th year of life, studying in one of the best colleges in the world, with the best bunch of friends and relatives that a man (or a child) could ask... yes... but I don't feel like I deserve them.

Where is my significant other? Is she thinking about me? Is she also feeling this kinda nonsense? Or is she thinking about her morning cereal?

Where are my friends? Are they thinking big? Are they O.k? Are the happy? Are they thinking about me? Or they are also caught in theirs own lives, oblivious of the rest of the world.

Is here where I want to be? Right here in this bed? In this body? In this life with these problems and these friends? Am I going in the right direction?

Or will I wake up, at the age of 40, scared and tired like today and I will ask myself the same question. Over and over again.

Where am I?

I miss...

"I miss your kisses..."


WHAT DOES THIS FREAKING SENTENCE MEANS!!!!

It means that you have already kiss someone and you MISS the kisses? RIGHT?

Weird freaking dreams...

I had one of those dreams... weird freaking dreams in which nothing makes sense once you think about it, but while dreaming, it all fits with such a perfect logic that is scary.

I was attacked by giant numbers, swept away by "Microsoft Excel" functions... sigh...

I'm glad that the world is not like I dream about it or else it would be on of the nasties places to live...

Bah...

Short post... am acctually happy and feeling better ^-^.

I am...

The guy that will care, even if you don't want me to.
The guy that will always make you laugh when you need it.
The guy that will make you laugh even if you don't need it... you know, just for the sake of it.
The guy that will always try too hard to make things right.
The guy that will rarely cry... dunno why.
The guy that will get upset pretty fast when he sees something unfair.
The guy that will still fight useless fights just because they're the right thing to do.
The guy that will NEVER sleep with your mom.
The guy that will always be unbelievable handsome and sexy (rawwwwrrr).
The guy that still believes in love, freedom, friendship and kindness.
The guy that won’t be alarmed if a man kisses him but will be pretty damn confused if he wakes up naked in a bed with a black Dutch.

The guy that will….

(fill in the blank people… hehehehe… right now am feeling a hell bunch of things. My family life is not going too well, am recently unemployed and I haven’t heard a word from Canada… so I need to hear something from you… please)

Bad... very bad times

A few minutes ago I receive a phone call from my boss... or should I say ex-boss?

Damn... I am officially unemployed from now on. I really don't know what will I do? I was counting on that money.

I guess I will have to find a job this summer... something to work on june and july.

Stupid bad times...

The Padilla Gene...

This whole idea about the “Padilla Gene” has being revolving around my head for a few days now. Last week I had I really cool chat with Tomas, basically about “mujeres y traiciones” and random stories that were both worth living and telling.

I have quite a good “repertoire” of stories that goes from the unbelievable romantic to the astonishingly porn-flick kinda story. And in the middle of one of my stories Tomas suddenly said that it was all due the “Padilla Gene”. And yes, now that I think about it my brother has quite a messed up repertoire of his own.

Why is that? Why a couple of two normal guys as us went through all this?

We’re nice boys. Not the classic Don Juan, bad boy kinda guy. No, we are guys that most of the times tend to be nice towards women. Real gentlemen. We are the boys that girls see as “potential friends” or “cute huggable bears” or most commonly known as “marriage material” ¬-¬… You know what I’m saying?

Then… why? Are lucky enough to be in the right place, at the right time with the right people so that life can throw us all these different kinds of experiences? Or is there something else? Some kind of vibe? The Padilla Gene perhaps…?

Also a few days back I was having a good talk with Erik (aka Alfa), and this whole “Padila Gene” popped out in the chat again; however this time not in the same “lucky bastards full of cool stories to tell” kinda thing, but in the “man, you always have the bad luck of attracting messed up people, full of troubles and usually, after a while, you are either too deep inside someone else’s crap or you have to put up with their endless victim stories”.

Hmmmm... again… true. We do tend to attract messed up people that look comfort and help, and most of the time we care enough to listen to them and make their problems (even a little bit) ours. The dark side of the “Padilla Gene”???

This is a topic that can go on forever… hehehe… lots of thing to say but I haven’t got the time. Maybe later.

Am off…

I am reading...

a great book entitled "Tori Amos, Piece by Piece" and so far its has being a wonderful read. It's amazing to dive into the mind of a woman such as her, a true Feminist, a "follower of the Magdalene" as she calls herself.

This is woman that since the age of five she managed to stand out of the crowd not only by her geniality on the piano, but also by her ideas and her humble way of seeing music.

I dare to call her a true Feminist ‘coz she glorifies womanhood, she knows that in order to be a Feminist she has to find the balance between what she calls “Mary” (the mother) and “The Magdalene” (the lover, the wisdom, the light, the power), she has to reunite what has being thorn apart by history since the sprout of Patriarchy and monotheism.

Most women that I know claim to be Feminist all they do is to act like total bitches toward men. Trying, by loosing/denying sensuality or tenderness, to seize power. I invite all those women that think that being a Feminist means to be better that men or that a Feminist is a woman that doesn’t wear a bra or has hairy armpits, to read this book.

Man… the world would be such a lovely place if we could achieve the level of balance that Tori proposes instead of living our lives chasing baby demons.

….

Ya no tengo el poder

A veces, sin saber por qué,
Las palabras se parten en un nudo
Mi alma se vierte por mis ojos
Con mis miedos a la deriva

Todo se resume en un suspiro

Tiemblo con este viejo fantasma
Sentimiento familiar que tiene sustancia
sabor y forma
A viejas lágrimas y fríos recuerdos

Maldigo mi pasado o mi futuro
Mi karma o mi destino
Maldigo este castigo
Por un pecado que no recuerdo haber cometido

Me quedo solo, llorando
Sin energías ni interés
Para pelear de nuevo esta batalla
No, ya no tengo el poder

Mi manos recorren el reflejo
De unos ojos rojos
y de labios que con mi voz susurran
No, ya no tengo el poder

No, ya no tengo el poder

No…

Ya no tengo el poder

You are a bad person... and you know it

Have you ever thought... even for a minute that you are a bad person?.

Right after you show the middle finger to an old woman while driving in the middle of the traffic, or by laughing at the ugly ass of a confused girl who things is sexy to wear tights while weighting 140 pounds, or maybe by saying to a proud mom "hey!!! A monster ate your son!", or simply by being malicious, by knowing when and how to throw the right comment to bring the self-esteem of a person to ground level?

I write this 'coz today, while driving in the middle of the traffic I realized that I have done everything on the list (and more). Does this makes me a bad person or only a good person that occasionally goes bad?

Maybe I was born with a malicious me hidden deep... well, not that deep, inside of me.

I am strange in my case, you know? I can literally feel like crying if I see the Lion King or something, but I sincerely and honestly think that ugly people should not be allowed to reproduce among themselves.

Lists of malicious things that you should do at least once:
* Insult a fat girl wearing tights.
* Punch a fat kid wearing tights.
* Propose a law that forbids the use of tights for fat people... in front of one.
* When someone is talking to you just interrupt them saying: "excuse me, did you confused me with someone that cares?"
* Kick someone while he is down.
* Kick someone on the testicles.
* Give a direct punch to a girl's chest. If she is a teen it'l hurt more.
* Vandalized a golf court while drunk and if you are stupid or you have enough time you might as well steal the flags.


Bah... I dun't know... can you think of more???

And don't play fool on me... I know most of the guys that comments on my blogs and ALL of you are bad persons... and YOU KNOW IT!