So, am finally back from Edmoton. An important moment in my life has ended and now endless and new possibilities are waiting for me to challenge them. Hopefully I will come victorious in most of them.
Right now... as much I'd like to write about coming back, about the shock of waking up in my bed and how strange my home feels like now... i can't. There is a big dark cloud over me right now. Stopping me from enjoying or feeling anything at its fullest. And honestly, by now, am growing weary.
It's about Mariel, my girlfriend... or not. I really don't know if I can still call her my girlfriend... i mean, girlfriends are suppose to make us feel good, make us feel love and make us smile. Right now she is not making me feel any of that. I haven't really talk to her in something like three weeks, the last time i talked to her was a short "happy x-mas" phone call.
The reason that we haven't talked as much as we used to is because I noticed that I have to the one that calls her all the time or else we don't talk at all, the same with e-mails and that kinda stuff... and when you are, as we were, in a long distance relationship is very important to communicate a lot, and i felt that basically all the responsibility of the relationship was on my shoulders... and that's not how relationships are suppose to work
So i did an experiment... i stopped calling her. She never called me, she never wrote. That is why I havent talked to her.
What really angers me a lot is the fact that I've already talked to her about that, and she said she was sorry and she was gonna put more effort. She obviously didn't.
Is because she doesn't care?... pffft... maybe
She was suppose to come back today from the beach... i was suppose to see her today for the first time in a couple of months and talk to her for the first time in a couple of weeks... so, around 7 pm i got concerned and send her a text message. She is coming back tomorrow!!!
AND I SHOULDN'T HAVE KNOWN IT IF I HAVENT SENT HER THE MESSAGE IN THE FIRST PLACE!
... I drove around today carrying her x-mas present all day long so i could have it with me when she'd arrive. For nothing.
I was talking to Rebecca, a great friend that i met in
But now i feel that i just did that for nothing. For a girl that probably doesnt care about me... pffft... not even if I am dead or alive. I spent x-mas eve away from home... i really expected a phone call from her. Keep on dreaming little boy... bah!
Rebecca told me to stop thinking like that... that the fact of me being faithful makes a better man, not a stupid man.
So... is that true... am i a better man? or just plain stupid?
*sigh*
She is coming back tomorrow... please good vibes... I need them.
